


We Can't Change

by ladydurin_x



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lots of Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Secret Relationship, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4725653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydurin_x/pseuds/ladydurin_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santana has a weakness. Her weakness is for a guy who wears stupid cologne, has a stupid smirk and looks like a meerkat. He also happens to be the guy who nearly blinded one of her friends and the captain of their biggest competition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Just Be Honest

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries. Hopefully this is better than it sounds. Admittedly it is a cliché of this ship. Oopsie. I've been out of the writing game for a while now but I recently fell back in love with this pairing.

The lights of the motel sign flickered rhythmically as the rain fell heavily on the pavement below. Droplets of rain ran languidly down the window as she allowed her finger to trace the paths they were leaving in their wake. With a sigh she looked out on the city. It must've been around one in the morning but the lights still shone out from the office buildings and the cars that passed down below. Lima never seemed to sleep. A siren wailed in the distance, breaking the silence in the room as she turned back to look at the bed.

"What are you doing?" A muffled voice questioned as she faced the bed.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Something on your mind, Santana?" The speaker raised his head from the pillow, leaning on one elbow as she climbed into bed.

Santana frowned, pulling at the loose threads that ran along her quilt. "No. I was just thinking about Blaine."

Sebastian sat up straight, looking her straight on. "Look, that was an accident and you know it. No one was supposed to get hurt, I just wanted to ruin Lady Hummel’s outfit. Besides, you said he was on the mend. What's the harm?" As he spoke, a finger lazily snaked down her bare arm, little zigzags of warmth prickling with that addictive electricity his touch always brought.

"The harm, Smythe,” she muttered, moving away from his touch, “is that I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend who loves me and I'm betraying her. Not to mention my friends. They hate you. I can't imagine how bad things would be if anyone found out about this."

Sebastian's forehead creased as he took her chin in his hand, tugging her round to face him. "No one has to know. That's what you said. That's what we’ve always agreed to. Why the sudden burst of conscious?"

Santana pulled herself free of his grip. "Brittany loves me. I care about her. And much as I like to pretend otherwise, I love my friends and I care what they think. They've supported me through a lot, Sebastian." She pulled her long hair over her shoulder, picking at the split ends. "I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Besides, knowing you, you probably have someone waiting for you too."

Sebastian scoffed. "My relationships tend to be over in about twenty minutes. No one's waiting for me." He sighed, swinging his long legs off the rusting motel bed. "Look, if you want to end this, then end it. I don't care. It's not like it means anything anyway. After all, give it two days and you'll be back in my bed. You always are." With that he stood, picking his discarded clothes up off the floor. "Text me when you’re ready to admit you miss me. See you around, Lopez."

He marched out the door, allowing it to slam behind him.

"Ass," Santana muttered, reaching for her phone before flopping down on the bed, wincing as the ancient springs dug into her back. She frowned, reading through the dozen texts Brittany had sent her in the past hour. It was all a load of nonsense of course, but Santana felt a tear beginning to roll down her cheek. She beat it away hastily, throwing her phone back on the bedside table. Santana breathed in heavily, the scent of Sebastian's cologne clung to the pillow. She threw it from the bed, breathing heavily. How had she let that meerkat-looking git get to her so much?

*•*

Santana looked down at her phone as Rachel went off on one of her infamous ' _my talent is not appreciated enough_ 'rants. Santana would've thought that after two years of saying the same thing every other week, she'd have gotten sick of repeating the same speech. From the way she was going, however, that seemed like an impossibility.

Sebastian still hadn’t text her.

Whatever the case, she wasn't going to be the first to break. She wasn't going to prove him right.

"Why do you smell of men’s cologne? Did you get lost in the boy’s locker room too?"

Santana turned her attention to Brittany who was leaning over to talk to her, ignoring the rubbish spewing from the hobbit's lips. "Do I? I hadn't noticed. Must be my dad's."

Brittany nodded, turning back to the front of the class room. "I'm the most talented person in this room!” She announced suddenly.

Santana suppressed a smile; trust Brittany to resurrect that argument. As subtly as she could she sniffed her jacket. A small shudder escaped her. That wasn't her dad's cologne. "Sebastian," she hissed, too quietly for anyone else to hear her.

At the smell of his cologne she realized how much she had missed him in the few days she hadn't seen him. Not that she would ever admit that to him. She glanced briefly up at the class; Rachel was still defending her 'star quality' and from the glazed looks on everyone else's faces, no one could care any less than they did in that moment.

“If you’re all done with this charming but truly outdated argument…” Santana said, standing up to address the room. “We have more pressing matters.”

The room turned to look at her, Rachel flicking her hair over a shoulder in an overly dramatic movement usually only seen in Broadway shows from the fifties.

“How are we going to beat the Warblers at regionals? Since someone,” she turned to face Kurt, “made me hand over Sebastian’s confession, my under boob still hasn’t recovered from that tape, just so you know. We have no leverage.”

Artie nodded, clearly mourning the waste of good technology.

Kurt stood up, his hand raised. “We are not going through this again, Santana. We will beat that chipmunk fair and square. We’ve damaged their team spirit.”

Santana huffed, shrugging her shoulders before dropping back into her seat. She pulled her phone from her pocket, sliding the lock screen open, typing out a quick message.

**_I'm not going to say it._ **

She sighed before pressing send. Almost instantaneously, her phone vibrated.

**_Tomorrow night at 8._ **

She rolled her eyes, sparing a glance at Brittany replying. She slid back in her chair, her back digging into the plastic painfully. She was a terrible person.

**_You're paying this time._ **

His reply came immediately. The one word made her smile:

_**Fine.** _

She appreciated the bluntness Sebastian always had. It was one of the major appeals of their trysts. Neither of them could get confused about what they were doing, they were both far too brutally honest for that.

***•***

That night she went to visit Blaine, desperate to ease her guilty conscience at least somewhat. As she sat beside his bed she was almost tempted to tell him the truth.

"I've made pasta!"

At least she was until Kurt came in.

"Thank you," Blaine smiled, his head angled slightly awkwardly so he could actually see them both out of his good eye. Santana shuddered guilty as she looked at the bandages covering half his upper face. "Now, not that I'm not pleased to have you here, Santana, I _am_ wondering what you're doing here."

Santana shifted uncomfortably, the strong smell of cheese from the pasta making her nauseous. "I just wanted to check that you were okay. See if I have to go all Lima Heights of Smythe's sorry ass."

Blaine chuckled pleasantly. "I'm going to be fine. The doctor reckon my eyesight should be good as new in a couple of weeks."

Kurt smiled fondly, taking his boyfriend's hand. "Besides, Blaine has expressly forbidden any attempts at revenge," he shook his head, clearly disapproving. "Despite the fact that that monster could've blinded him permanently."

Santana nodded. "I do think something should be done. I mean, I had the proof he did it on purpose, I taped a recorder to my under-boob for a reason!" She gestured to her chest dramatically.

 “We’ve been through this. Anyway, Sebastian’s probably destroyed the tape by now.”

Blaine reached out with his free hand to pat her shoulder comfortingly. “Even so I'm grateful for it, Santana. _But_ , we are going to be classier than he is. Promise?"

Both Kurt and Santana nodded their heads.

“Fine, but I’m not going to be nice to him,” Kurt grumbled before standing abruptly. "Cupcakes. We need cupcakes." With that, he dashed out of the room, his scarf flying out behind him.

Blaine turned his one visible eye on her, his dark stare somewhat unnerving in its intensity. "Santana," he began, holding up a finger when she went to interrupt him. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit, tense. I know we're not close friends but you can talk to me if something's troubling you."

Santana met his stare, steeling herself for his response. "I've been hooking up with Sebastian."

She had been expecting him to shout at her, demand she get out. Instead he remained silent, simply staring at her.

He shifted his weight. "Pardon?"

Santana winced at his perfect composure, she'd much rather he just start yelling at her. "I know you heard me. It's an eye you’re missing, not an ear.”

“I’m pretty sure I did hear you, but I can’t have heard you correctly. Santana, this is the guy that almost blinded me. Revenge or no, surely you haven’t forgotten that.” He gestured to his eye for emphasis.

“I know, I’m so sorry, Blaine.”

He shook his head. "But you're,” he shook his head again. “And he’s-”

"You can say it you know. You're _gay_ too, Cyclops! I'm well aware. It was an accident. I don't know what happened."

“When?”

Santana ducked her head. “After we handed the recording over. He found me on my way home. There was this heat between us when we duelled. I thought I was imagining it but he’d felt it too. Somehow we ended up kissing…”

"Do the others know about this?"

"No. And you can't tell them. Promise me, Blaine." She looked up at him again, ready to defend herself again. “Please.”

"They won't hear it from me. I just hope you know what you're doing, Santana. Is this really worth losing Brittany over?"

"Of course not. I'm just really confused right now. I could really use a friend. Please don't hate me for this. I know what he did to you and I hate myself for being so weak every day. There was just this," she paused, searching for the right word as Blaine focused his good eye on her. " _Energy_. I don't know how to describe it."

Blaine nodded, taking her hand. "Just don't do anything you'll regret later. Thank you for telling me. I'll keep your secret, until you've made your decision."

***•***

Sebastian was waiting for her in the lobby of the motel, key already in his hand. He stood as she walked over to him, a self-satisfied smirk marring his handsome face. "What brought it on this time?"

She glared at him, violently jabbing the buttons on the elevator. "Your stupid cologne. Brittany smelt it on me in Glee club."

He smiled wider, tapping his toe as they slowly climbed their way to the floor they'd be spending the night on. "My cologne? Never took you for such a romantic."

"Who said anything about me being romantic? It's just cologne." She stomped her way out of the elevator, not bothering to look back at him.

"Whatever you say, Lopez," he grinned, sliding the key into the door. As he did so, Santana was hit by another wave of his cologne. She could sense it clinging to her clothes and she wished she could bring herself to hate the smell. To truly hate him.

He threw his jacket over the back of a nearby chair and turned the radio on before flopping down onto the bed, tugging off his shoes as she sat down next to him. "I told Blaine about this. About us," she clarified when he looked up at her.

He nodded warily. "Why?"

"I don't really know. I just felt so guilty for what happened to him- don't start," she threatened as he moved to interrupt her. "He's promised not to tell anyone and I think I trust him."

He nodded again. "Okay, it's your business. None of the Warblers care about my personal affairs. You New Directions are too open with each other."

Santana shook her head fondly. "You'd be surprised." She turned to face him, pushing on his shoulders until he finally complied with her wishes, allowing himself to be lowered to the mattress.

_‘You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by a smooth criminal’_

“Our song,” he smirked up at her before grimacing. "Remind me again why we come here? I'm going to get internal bleeding from these springs digging into my gut."

She sighed, pulling away from his neck. "Because it's far enough away from everywhere that no one will catch us." She quickly resumed her previous activity, smirking as Sebastian let out a soft moan.

"I'm too gay for this," Sebastian grumbled, running a hand up her back.

Santana laughed, fighting the temptation to stroke at the stubble that was beginning to show on his jaw. "Yet here we are. Again."

He let out a quiet noise of noncommittal before pulling her back down to his level. "How do you do this to me?" He whispered, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth.

"I could ask you the same question."

 Their eyes met for a moment, the intensity of his stare unnerving Santana. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, blinking slowly before moving to kiss her again.

The following morning, Santana woke early. She snuck out of the room, Sebastian's discarded jacket covering her bare torso (she'd been unable to find her shirt after he had thrown it aside the night before). She tried to get the image of Sebastian's intense stare out of her mind, ignoring the smell of his cologne clinging to the jacket.

The look they had shared that night unnerved her. She knew it meant that something was beginning to change between them and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

***•***

Having told Blaine about be secret liaisons with Sebastian had been both gratifying and the worst idea she'd ever had. He had taken it upon himself to text her from his sick bed as often as he could manage, inviting her over to his place on several occasions and the thought of his bandaged face made it impossible for her to say no.

At that moment, she was perched on the edge of his bed, having dropped off some work from Mr Schue’s ‘Spanish’ class.

"How's everyone doing?"

She sighed, turning the page of her magazine - yet another celebrity split - before meeting his stare. "I'm sure Kurt keeps you much more reliably informed about that than I can."

"Probably true," Blaine acquiesced with a smile. "How's Sebastian? I take it you're still seeing it other?"

Santana narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What makes you say that?"

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but, I'm pretty sure that's his jacket you're wearing."

Santana looked down at herself. "Shit," she hissed. "That must be why Kurt kept giving me weird looks all day!"

Blaine grinned. "Still haven't told anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I'm honoured you told me, it's just I think you might feel better telling someone else too."

Santana scoffed. "Like who? My parents? They're just coming to terms with me being a lesbian, how can I tell them I'm sleeping with a guy?! Brittany?! She might be forgiving but I don't think even she could forgive me that! Quinn? Puck? Kurt?! Oh yeah, I'm sure Kurt would be supportive!"

Blaine raised his hands in surrender. "It was just a suggestion. It's your choice. Tell everyone or don't tell anyone at all. It's up to you, Santana. Just don’t take too long."

***•***

Santana sat next to the bed, arms wrapped around her legs. "Sorry, Britt. What did you say?"

Brittany turned from the fondue she’d been preparing. "Lord Tubbington's been smoking again. I thought I'd thrown his last stash out."

Santana sighed, meeting the cat's eyes. Poor cat she thought. At the rate you're going you're not going to last another five years. "You just have to be stricter, Britt-Britt."

"But, sweetie, he knows all my secrets. He'd post them on Myspace. I never should have taught him how to use the laptop."

"No one even uses Myspace anymore. You'll be fine."

Her phone vibrated as Brittany continued to bemoan her cat's behaviour.

**_Tonight?_ **

**_I'm paying and it won’t be some dodgy motel this time._ **

Brittany continued to chastise the poor lump, who sat there, shuffling his huge mass every few seconds, whilst Santana typed out a reply.

**_Half an hour._ **

"Listen, babe, I've gotta go. See you soon?" She leant down to kiss her girlfriend's cheek before rushing out before the guilt could curl in her stomach any more than it already had.

"Santana..."

Santana stopped short, wincing at the uncertainty in her girlfriend's voice. "What is it, Britt?"

"Have I done something wrong? You never want to spend time with me anymore."

Santana turned, plastering a smile on her face. "Of course not. It's just my mum's upset that I missed dinner. That’s two nights this week. I don't want to upset her anymore. I promise I'll spend all day with you on Sunday."

Brittany nodded, already placated enough to allow Lord Tubbington to distract her. "Okay. See you soon."


	2. Don't Leave Me Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are masters of unsaid words, but slaves of those we let out - Winston Churchill

"Are you ever going to tell me why you stole my jacket? Or why you took off in such a hurry...while I was sleeping?"

Santana shook her head. "I couldn't find my top. And, honestly, I'm not entirely sure anymore."

Sebastian nodded, tugging the duvet further up his bare chest. He rubbed at his nose, a habit Santana had noticed he adopted when he was uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?"                                                                                                

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. _Great_ , in fact. We've decided on our songs for Regionals."

Santana smiled, unwilling to take the bait. "Good for you," she said as sweetly as she could manage. "Can we not talk about that right now? It always makes me feel antsy. Like I'm a traitor for being here; which I _am_."

"Have you told anyone else? Aside from Blaine?"

She shook her head. "No. I did, however, make the mistake of wearing your jacket to school. I'm pretty sure Kurt recognized it - at least from the way he was glaring at me."

"I didn't realize Lady Hummel paid that much attention to me. I would be flattered but he does look like a prepubescent girl. And that's on his good days."

Santana grinned before scrambling to rectify her expression. "Look, Sebastian, I'm really tired. It's nearly two in the morning. Are we staying the night or do you wanna go?"

Sebastian shuffled to get comfortable. "I'm good to stay," he stretched to turn the lamp off. "Goodnight, Santana."

*•*

Santana woke feeling altogether too hot. She sighed, kicking the cover off her torso before freezing. Her feet were entangled with her companion's and there was an arm draped across her. She blanched, trying to extract herself from the tangle of limbs without waking Sebastian. They didn't do that. They didn't cuddle.

"Shit," she hissed, unable to move enough to get away from the heat radiating from his body; his grip on her was too tight. She sighed, rolling into a more comfortable position, trying to bring life back into the arm she had been sleeping on. Now she was facing him.

"Shit," she hissed again. Not daring to move too much more. She didn't want him to wake up and blame her for their sleeping arrangement. Unsure of what to do, she studied his face. He looked younger when he slept. All the usual slyness and cruelty was replaced by boyish youth. His hair, usually gelled off his face had flopped over his forehead and his jaw was slack. Unable to resist, Santana allowed her fingers to trail along his jawline, before dancing over his surprisingly soft lips. Lips she took the opportunity to press her own to gently.

"Mmphh."

She pulled back as his eyes fluttered open.

"Santana?"

She nodded. "Morning."

"What time is it?"

"I'm not actually sure. It's still dark outside."

He groaned. "Then go back to sleep," he muttered, closing his eyes, tugging her closer absent-mindedly.

"Okay," she agreed, finally relaxing into his embrace, allowing her eyes to close. Sebastian's breath began to come in slow, rhythmic little puffs that tickled her cheeks. She smiled, curling closer to him. His arms tightened round her reflexively.

 "Why can't I hate you?" She whispered.

***•***

The sun breaking through the curtains woke Santana a couple of hours later.

"Hey."

She startled before regaining her composure. "Hey. Sleep well?"

Sebastian nodded with a smile. "Yup. I was woken before dawn by someone but I'll let it slide."

Santana grinned, patting the arm that was still wrapped around her. "What time is it?"

"About nine, why?"

"I promised Brittany I'd spend the day with her."

Sebastian removed his arm from around her, the sudden loss of warmth making Santana shiver. "Right," the cruelty was back in his eyes within seconds. "Well, don't let me stop you going back to your girlfriend. Are you going to wear my jacket on your date?"

"Sebastian! Stop it. I promised! I'm a bad enough girlfriend as it is, I'm not going to break my promises too."

He sat up, throwing the duvet off, leaving Santana feeling uncomfortably exposed. "No, I get it. Have fun," he said faux calmly, grabbing his clothes from the floor. "Have a _great_ time." He began to pull his trousers on as Santana rushed out of bed, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Sebastian...Sebastian, look at me."

He did so, eyes narrowed as they met her own. "What?"

Santana fought the urge to recoil at his tone. "Whoa now, twink, don't forget who you're talking to. I can be just as much of a bitch as you can. Only you can't blame it on PMS."

Sebastian shook his head, clearly fighting off a smile.

"Look at me," she ordered. "What's gotten into you? Hmmm? You've never had a problem with me spending the day with Brittany before, what's different this time?"

"I don't know. I - I don't know!"

Santana frowned, grabbing his chin in her hand. "Sebastian..."

He smiled weakly. "I'm sorry. Go on, have a good day with bubble-brain, last night’s on me." He removed himself from her grip, heading towards the en suite to change.

"Oh," Santana whispered, realization dawning on her.

***•***

Brittany continued to kiss at her cheek as Santana tried to focus on the TV screen.  She felt awful for feeling guilty about being with her own girlfriend but she couldn’t shake the unease that the thought of Sebastian’s face had left her with.

"Have I done something wrong?" Brittany asked abruptly, pulling away to sit on the edge of the bed.

It was the second time in a week Brittany had asked that question.

"No, of course not," Santana smiled sweetly, pecking her girlfriend's lips. "Sorry, my mind's all over the place. Dad keeps asking me about college, I don’t know what to tell him. I mean, he knows I don’t want to study medicine like him, and he’s okay with that, but I’m not sure how supportive he is of me pursuing performing.”

Brittany nodded in understanding. "Speaking of your dad; is that his cologne again."

Santana sniffed before smiling. "Yup. I borrowed his jacket, it was cold out this morning." She tugged the sleeves of Sebastian's jacket over her palms. "Cuddle with me? I'm exhausted from earlier."

Brittany pouted before acquiescing, a stubborn set to her mouth. She turned to the screen grinning. "Can you imagine if everyone knew your favourite film is _The Little Mermaid_?"

Santana narrowed her eyes. "If you tell anyone, I'll tell everyone you still watch _Barney_! And applied to be on the show!"

Brittany grinned, poking at her side before tickling at Santana's underarms. As it descended into an all-out war, Santana almost pretend that the look on Sebastian's face that morning wasn’t haunting her. Almost.

***•***

A couple of hours later, Santana and Brittany had decided to take a walk through Brittany’s local park, much to Santana’s distaste; she really didn’t want to spend her afternoon feeding the ducks.

“So the doctor’s put Lord Tubbington back on the nicotine patches, hopefully this time he’ll actually wear them for more than two minutes at a time,” Brittany babbled on, ripping chunks off slices of bread to throw to the mallards impatiently floating around the ledge she was perched on.

“That’s great new, I’m sure he’ll be smoke free before you know it,” Santana said, tearing off a square of bread and rolling it between her fingers.

“Shaqueera!”

Santana cringed. Only one person had ever called her that. “Smythe,” she turned, nodding her head in his direction. “Couldn’t find anyone to slushie today?”

He shrugged. “Not my style anymore.”

Brittany turned around, looking between them in confusion. “You alright, Santana?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Here,” she handed her slice of bread over to her girlfriend who took it happily, turning back to the ducks. “I need to talk to Sebastian, about Blaine.”

Brittany was too busy to pay any attention. Santana grabbed Sebastian’s elbow, tugging him away from her girlfriend.

“What are you doing here?” She hissed at him, eyes narrowed.

He grinned. “Walking.”

“You know exactly what I mean. What are you doing _here_?”

“How was I supposed to know that you were here? You told me you were spending the day with Brittany, not where you were spending the day.”

Santana sighed, unable to argue with his reasoning. “I don’t know what you’re up to. But don’t cause trouble for me. Please.”

Sebastian nodded with a quick smile. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Brittany came ambling up to them at that moment. “I’m out of bread.”

Santana patted her shoulder soothingly. “It’s not good for ducks anyway, Britt-Britt.”

She frowned before turning to Sebastian, a confused look on her face. “You wear the same cologne as Santana’s dad.”

Sebastian smiled slyly, looking from Brittany to Santana. “I do? Huh. Is that his jacket?”

Brittany nodded whilst Santana lowered her head, silently praying that Sebastian wasn’t about to cause trouble.

“We have similar fashion sense too. I have a jacket just like that one. Well, had, I seem to have misplaced mine.”

“Crying shame, we have to be going now.”

“See you around,” Sebastian called pleasantly, leaving Santana to stew in her hatred.

***•***

**_What were you playing at?_ **

****

Santana had said a quick goodbye to Brittany before rushing home, unable to keep her cool after Sebastian’s earlier stunt. However she had been feeling for him before had been extinguished.

**_I was being friendly to your girlfriend. What’s the problem?_ **

**_You know EXACTLY what the problem is, Sebastian. Don’t play dumb with me. You may think you’re an evil genius but you’re about as clever as Yzma._ **

She fought the urge to growl at her phone. It was a good thing they were on the phone, she wouldn’t be able to keep from yelling at him.

**_Did you just make a Disney reference, Lopez? Didn’t think that was your style._ **

With a huff she threw her phone towards the wall, flopping back onto her bed.  It was official.She  _hated_  him. She flicked through the Math homework she still hadn’t completed. It was pointless, she couldn’t concentrate on anything but Sebastian.

**_Any good at Math?_ **

***•***

An hour or so later, Santana’s homework was finally complete. Sebastian was wandering around her room, looking through her stuff much to Santana’s annoyance.

“Are we going to talk about earlier?”

Sebastian shook his head. “Nothing to talk about, besides, I don’t really fancy you yelling at me for an hour. _Yzma_ , really?”

She snickered. “Okay, admittedly not my best, but, you did deserve it.”

“I guess I did. I just wasn’t prepared to see you two together.” He came at sat next to her on the bed, taking her hand in his own. “I really am sorry, Santana. Also, never tell anyone I said that, would definitely ruin my image.”

Santana smiled, ruffling his hair. “They won’t hear it from me. It could ruin my image too.”

He grinned, leaning in to kiss her. “Is this okay?” He asked hesitantly. This was new territory for them. Somehow more significant than any of the moments shared in motel beds.

She nodded, bringing her lips in to meet his. “Definitely okay,” she hummed against his lips before deepening the kiss.

A knock at the door startled them apart. “Santana!”

“It’s my mom,” she whispered, against Sebastian’s cheek. “Wait here.”

She got up, answering the door as quickly as she could to prevent her mom coming into her room. “What is it?”

“A Kurt Hummel is here to see you.”

Santana’s heart sank to the floor as she turned to look at Sebastian whose face had gone white. “Send him in, thanks Mom.” She closed the door, rushing over to Sebastian, forcing him to stand. “In the closet, quickly, please.”

He followed her instructions mutely, climbing in amongst her clothes. Raising an eyebrow at some of her more risqué outfits. She groaned, rolling her eyes, before closing the door, turning back to her room in time to see Kurt coming into the room.

“Kurt, why are you here?”

“Came to ask for some help with this Spanish assignment. I have no idea how to translate any of these lyrics. Mr Schue never taught us any other the necessary words in his classes.”

Santana nodded, shifting her weight before gesturing for him to sit at her desk. “What song are you singing?”

Kurt raised his eyebrows, clearly insulted that it wasn’t immediately obvious to her. “ _Defying Gravity_ , of course.”

Santana nodded, taking the lyric sheet off him. “Isn’t there a Spanish version of the musical? _Desafiando la gravedad_?”

Kurt sat still, chewing his lip uncomfortably. “I come with an ulterior motive,” he admitted, his speech increasing tenfold in speed. “I couldn’t help but notice you were wearing a jacket very similar to one I saw on the back of that viper, Sebastian.”

“You know, you’d have thought that someone so fashion conscious would know that more than one of each jacket is made, Kurt. And I don’t like what you’re implying.”

Kurt frowned. “Look, Santana, it’s none of my business. I know that. But we’ve already had one Romeo and Juliet romance between clubs, with Rachel and Jesse and we all know how that ended. Or, if you need a reminder we could ask the chickens.”

Santana raised a hand. “Point made, Lady Hummel. But I’m with Brittany. I don’t like you implying that I’m a cheater.”

Kurt sighed. “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me the truth, then don’t. I do have to point out I remember what his cologne smells like, Blaine stank of it after we went out with him. Just be sure you know what you’re doing. And remember what he did to Blaine. What he could do to you too.” He picked up his sheets, not looking back at her as he left the room.

Santana remained sitting silently on the bed, not turning as she heard Sebastian leaving the closet. “I should make a joke about coming out of the closet right now…”

He laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter two. Somewhat repetitive, I'm sorry. Hopefully things will pick up soon.  
> Thank you to everyone who read chapter one and has continued reading!


	3. You Make My Heart Shake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down - Jeffrey Benjamin

A while later, Santana's mom came in, looking at them, her expression poorly concealing her confusion as to why this boy appeared set to spend the night with her daughter. "Santana, is your friend aware it's almost midnight, on a _Sunday_?"

Sebastian looked at his watched before cussing under his breath. "I gotta go, it's a long drive back to Dalton. See you around Lopez!"

Just like that he was gone. Just like that, Santana missed him.

*•*

As Sebastian changed for his lacrosse practice his phones vibrated, distracting him from the overly dramatic all or nothing speech his coach was spewing about their upcoming match.

**_Can I see you soon?_ **

He sighed, running a hand over his hair. He'd already decided he needed a break from Santana to sort of the confusion he was beginning to feel about their relationship.

**_Can't. Busy with lacrosse practice all week. Big game on Friday._ **

He listened in to the speech for a second, rolling his eyes before returning his attention to Santana's messages.

**_Ok._ **

He groaned, ignoring the inquisitive looks from his teammates. A secret romance was supposed to be fun and exciting. Especially in their case; they were both supposed to be gay. Only Sebastian was beginning to doubt his surety over his sexuality. He'd been convinced he was exclusively gay since he was ten. There had never been a girl he'd found attractive. Until Santana came stomping into his life in her black heels. Their Smooth Criminal duel had been so invigorating that he'd been unable to get her out of his mind for days before finding himself stumbling upon her in the Lima Bean and proposing their current arrangement.

It had started off as a bit of fun, just fooling around like he had with guys hundreds of times before - well maybe not _hundreds_ \- and it had been a laugh to get down on each other around their peers. And then, out of nowhere, his feelings had come into it. The kisses had started to mean something and he'd been unable to stop the jealousy boiling over when she talked about Brittany. It was everything he'd never expected and everything he had grown to hate. He was _gay_. He just needed time away from Santana and he'd remember that.

Even so, he turned back to his phone, typing out four words and hitting send before he could chicken out.

**_Come to my game?_ **

*•*

Sebastian sat in the choir room, chewing on a tuna and sweet corn sandwich, reading over their set list for regionals, nodding to himself as he tried to picture the choreography.

"Sebastian, a word?"

He looked up, nodding to Jeff who sat across from him.

"Where's your head at, man? You've been completely spaced out during rehearsals recently. Is it a _guy_?"

Sebastian grinned, shaking his head. "No, nothing like that. I guess I've been feeling guilty about Blaine. It was s'posed to be a prank. I took it too far, as usual."

Jeff nodded. "I guess we're all guilty of getting carried away sometimes. I mean, I put worms in my sister’s spaghetti when I was younger and watched her eating them without any remorse. At least until my mum made me eat some too."

"The difference being I could've blinded Blaine. Your _friend_."

Jeff stood, shaking his head. "You're my friend too, Sebastian," he smiled, punching Sebastian's shoulder. "Just apologize. I've gotta go, hockey."

Sebastian shook his head, jotting some notes onto his papers. Maybe Jeff was right, an apology might make him feel at least a little better about his actions.

"Sebastian!"

"I'm man of the bloody moment! What is it, Nick?"

Nick stood across from his face flushed from running. "One of the guys from McKinley tried to kill himself. The head's holding an assembly about it."

Sebastian frowned. "Which guy? Do we know him?"

Nick shook his head. "No, at least not personally. Something Karofsky? Blaine mentioned once that he was the reason, or at least one of the reasons, Kurt came here last year."

Sebastian felt his face whiten. He _did_ know that guy personally. He'd been an ass to that guy. Suddenly he knew what everyone meant when the talked about news making them feel physically sick.

He sat through the assembly feeling terrible, his mind unable to stop drifting back to the horrific crap he'd said to the poor guy that night at Scandals. He'd been in a particularly bad mood after Kurt had cut into his dance with Blaine. If he'd only known.

 As soon as the assembly was done he text Blaine, not wanting to speak to Santana about this. Besides, how would either of them explain how or why he had her number?

**_We need to talk. Lima Bean @ 1? It’s really important._ **

***•***

He’d been sat in the Lima Bean for about an hour, his leg jittering from the nerves of facing Blaine again. He hadn’t seen him since the incident. He tried to focus on his History assignment, frowning before taking a sip of coffee, the bitter taste doing nothing to dull his nerves.

“Let me break it down for you, from one bitch to another.”  


He looked round, startled to see Santana coming to sit across from him. As he looked around he noticed Blaine, Kurt and Brittany joining her. Blaine had clearly called in the cavalry.

“All of this vicious, underhanded crap has got to stop.”

He tried not to let his surprise at seeing her show as he agreed, as calmly as he could manage. She was completely right after all. “Exactly. That’s why I called you here.”

Santana’s eyebrows pulled together, clearly surprised by his response. He turned away from her looking directly at Blaine, trying to see if there were any obvious signs of injury or from the surgery he’d had. “First of all…Blaine,” he paused, trying to think of an appropriate apology for the severity of what he’d done. There wasn’t one. “I am sorry about your eye.”

“That means nothing to me.”

Sebastian couldn’t even find it in him to flinch at the harsh response. He was all too aware of how much he deserved it. “Just give me a chance,” he pleaded, “I have no excuses, other than, a lame prank got completely out of control.”

He pretended not to notice Kurt raise an eyebrow at him.

“Second, the Finn photos have all been destroyed,” he turned to look at Santana, guiltily wondering how much she had known about that. “I want the Warblers to win fair and square.”

Santana avoided meeting his eyes, looking up at Blaine and Kurt who were looking at him with utter disgust. Yeah, he definitely deserved that. Time for the main reason for bringing them to the Lima Bean in the first place.

“We’re going to take donations for Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation. Win, Lose or Draw,” he added, finally making direct eye contact with Santana. “We’re going to dedicate our performance to Dave Karofsky. I thought you might want to join us.”

“Wait for the punch, you know it’s coming.”  


Sebastian shook his head, ashamed of how true that would have been only days earlier. “No, not this time,” he tried not to picture that night at Scandals, the way he’d treated that poor guy. He’d known nothing about him and yet still chosen to be a total ass. “For too long, I have treated everything like a big joke,” his voice cracked as he pictured Karofsky’s face that night. He looked at Santana, hoping that she would understand the meaning behind the next words. The parts that were truly meant for her. “It’s all fun and games, until it’s not.”

Santana let out a heavy breath, looking at Blaine who minutely nodded his head, clearly having also caught the double meaning of his words.

“We have to go, Mr Schue’s called a New Directions meeting,” Kurt said softly, tugging on Blaine to pull him away, Brittany following behind them like a lost puppy.

“I’ll catch up guys, I fancy a coffee.”  


Sebastian looked at her, too afraid to hope. As the others filed out of the coffee shop, Santana reached for his hand across the table.

“Well,” Sebastian let out a breathy laugh.  
  
“That was a really good thing you did, Sebastian. A _really_ good thing. You don’t understand how much that actually means to them to hear what you just said.”

He smiled at her. “Go on, go. They’re waiting for you.”  
She nodded, looking at his coffee. “Can I take this? There are expecting me to bring a coffee back after all.”

Sebastian nodded, holding the cup out to her. “Enjoy it.”

“Oh, I meant to tell you. I’m going to come to your game. _Alone_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is shorter than the previous two. I just felt it had come to an natural end. Sorry for how rambling this one was.


	4. I Figured It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly then all at once - John Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken a while to get this one out. I ran out of inspiration. Also my sincere apologises for the OOC-ness that takes place in this chapter. Ugh.

Santana was sat with Blaine in the library, reviewing the set list for Regionals for what felt like the thousandth time. Blaine's sheet music was covered in red pen marking his ad libs and other changes he wanted to make and run by Mr Schue.

"Blaine, you went to Dalton. Did you play lacrosse?" Santana whispered, chewing on the end of her pen.

Blaine's thick eyebrows knitted together. "I was too busy maintaining my grades, heading the Warblers and finding performing gigs. What makes you ask?"

"Did you ever realize how much like Rachel you sound?" Santana wonder aloud with a shrug, before sighing. "Sebastian's invited me to his big game and I know nothing about lacrosse. I'm going to be bored and confused beyond belief and he'll get all offended that I don't care."

Blaine's eyes widened. "Wow. That's a big step.

 Sorry," he muttered when she narrowed her eyes. "Have you tried googling lacrosse?"

She shook her head. "I've been too busy thinking about regionals and Karofsky...and _colleges_. Senior year is just one hundred percent stress."

Blaine patted her arm. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the fact that you even bothered to go. Are you taking Brittany?"

"How on Earth would I explain that one to her? No, I promised him I'd go alone but I'm really nervous. Are you and Kurt busy?"

"Actually no. Well Kurt and his family have something planned but I was considering going to support my friends. If you need moral support, even if I don't approve of you and Sebastian, I'll join you."

**•^•**

The choir room was quite eerie when no one else was in there, Santana noticed as she sat alone, waiting for the bell to ring for the next period. Even Brad, the oddly quiet piano guy wasn't around.

She wasn't even particularly early. Yeah, she's skipped the previous period, she hated Economics with a passion, but she was _never_ the first one to glee meetings.

"Hello!"

"Crap! You scared me," she scowled looking over at the familiar figure in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"Lacrosse team wanted to practice here. Apparently it'll help prepare us for our game, don’t ask me; I don't know."

Santana hadn't even realized her school had a lacrosse team. "Okay. So what are you doing here?"

"I figured this is where you'd be. Also it was the only part of the school I could think of to find you in. How are you?"

Santana nodded, glancing towards the clock in fear that she would be caught with the enemy. "A little concerned we're going to get caught and have a lot of explaining to do, other than that, I'm delightful."

Sebastian grinned, finally stepping into the room. "I'm glad to hear it." He paused, frowning before brushing a wayward strand of hair from her face. "Man, I've missed you. Still, I'd better get going, wouldn't want to damage your reputation, Lopez."

She smiled. "You'd regret it if you did, Smythe!"

Santana shook her head as he left the choir room, leaving her alone for a few minutes before Brad and Mr Schue arrived, her former Spanish teacher talking animatedly whilst the odd piano player rushed behind him, looking flustered as he juggled dozens of pieces of what Santana assumed was sheet music.

"Santana, you're early," Mr Schue smiled as he noticed her, taking a long swig of coffee. "No classes?"

She shook her head. "Nope, thought I'd get here early instead."

He gave her a quick look of scrutiny before nodding and moving over to the whiteboard, greeting each other the other members as they came through the door.

**•^•**

Santana gave herself a quick glance in the mirror, fidgeting as she waited for Blaine to arrive to take her to the game.

"Hurry up!" She hissed, irritated with herself for being so nervous. It was just a stupid lacrosse game. She'd been to McKinley's football games so many times she no longer cared what was happening. What was the difference? That she wasn't a cheerleader tonight? That wasn't it, she quite enjoyed being able to properly watch a game without having to keep an eye on her pom-poms or remember some ludicrously extravagant routine Coach Sylvester had put together.

There was a quick, sharp knock on the door, one she would never have expected from Blaine. "Coming!"

She grabbed her keys, not bothering to leave a note for her parents, they'd long given up trying to dictate her comings and goings.

"You look great," Blaine smiled, nodding in approval as he walked down to her car.

"I should do, I haven't eaten anything all day so I could fit into these pants; I feel like Sandy at the end of Grease."

Blaine grinned at the mention of one of his favourite musicals. "Good thing I brought money for food then. If you'd like we can go for dinner after, there are some great restaurants near Dalton. I'll pay?" He offered with a quick smile.

"Sebastian's welcome to join us," he added, looking almost apologetic.

"Right," she nodded, frowning as she palmed the steering wheel.

"Santana," Blaine started, before pausing, clearly trying to frame his thoughts in a way that he didn't fear would awaken Snixx. "You don't have to go tonight. I know you told him you would, but you don't owe him anything. All this worrying is going to make you ill."

"It's not worrying, it's overwhelming guilt. I know you're only trying to help but please, Blaine, leave it. _Please_."

He tilted his head, gesturing to encourage her to start the car which she did, grateful for the noise of her still-dodgy engine drowning out her guilty conscience. He began to recline in his seat, arms tucked behind his head. "Did you ever find anything out about lacrosse?"

"No, I looked, I really did but I got bored. There's so many distractions on the Internet."

"So we're just going to sit there looking confused."

Santana grinned. "And cheering when everyone else does."

**•^•**

Several hours later, and the three of them were sat in an admittedly nice restaurant.

"Did you enjoy the game?" Sebastian asked between chewing his mouthful of lobster.

Santana and Blaine shared a quick guilty glance before they both nodded. "Yeah."

"It's a far more aggressive sport than I'd expected," Blaine admitted with a smile. "I thought boxing was bad enough - that was something else."

Santana chewed on her steak, silently observing the two guys. It was no secret that Sebastian had had something of a crush on Blaine, at least before he'd given him a rock-salt slushie facial. Santana couldn't help but wonder if there was anything there, even after everything that had gone down between them. Hot though she was, Santana couldn't hope to beat out a guy in a battle for Sebastian's affection. Especially one as charming as Blaine.

Yet, as she watched them cheerfully discuss the rules of lacrosse and its merits and shortcomings when compared to boxing, she couldn't see any signs of the former feelings Sebastian had never been afraid to flaunt.  It made her cringe to admit that she was relived. She had no right to be; she had Brittany and Sebastian had every right to have a boyfriend or pursue someone.

"Santana?"

She shook herself out of her thoughts before turning to Blaine. "Yeah, sorry, I was in a world of my own. What is it?"

"I’ve just been saying I was thinking of staying in Dalton overnight, just to spend some time with the guys. I hardly get to see them anymore. Is that alright with you? It's just I don't have a ride if you go back without me."

Santana paused, an edge of worry creeping into her thoughts. She hadn't planned to stay too long. She had come to the realization that she needed to start weaning herself off Sebastian. "I don't have anywhere to stay. It's not like I'll be allowed to stay at Dalton."

Sebastian raised his eyebrow. "I'll pay for a hotel," he stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It wouldn't be the first time, Lopez."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Fine. But I'm not in the mood for any funny business. Keep it PG, Smythe."

He grinned, turning to Blaine. "Is that alright with you? I mean, if you drop one of us a text in the morning Santana can come fetch you or whatever," Sebastian shrugged as Blaine nodded.

"Sure, thanks."

**•^•**

Santana exited the bathroom awkwardly, toying with them hem of the shirt she had borrowed from Sebastian's collection. "Are you sure it's okay for me to sleep in this?" She asked for what was probably the hundredth time.

Sebastian looked up from where he was standing rearranging the pillows, appraising her outfit. "Yeah. It looks good on you."

She could feel her skin burning from her blush. “Thanks.”

He stared at her from the other side of the room, his eyes landing on her almost tentatively, as if he was uncertain of something. Santana couldn’t figure out what was going on in his head. But then, when had she ever been able to understand Sebastian’s twisted brain.

“You said you wanted to keep it PG tonight, right?”

She nodded, trying not to feel guilty when she noted the sadness in his tone. “Yeah, sorry, long night.”

“You don’t have to apologise, stupid,” He shook his head. “I was just thinking I should probably sleep on the couch; avoid temptation, you know?”

Santana froze, unsure she had ever been that shocked in her life. “Worried you won’t be able to resist, Smythe?” She grinned, impressed with how even she had managed to keep her voice.

He didn’t respond, only winking as he took two pillows from the double bed. “Have you seen you?”

She rolled her eyes, before flinging herself on the bed. “Good _night_ , Sebastian.”

**•^•**

Santana woke up to the sound of quiet sobbing. She stretched across the bed to the lamp on the nightstand. “Sebastian? Sebastian, are you okay?”

There was no reply. She flicked the light-switch, swinging her legs out from under the duvet before walking towards the couch. “Sebastian, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

She reached the couch, crouching down by Sebastian’s shaking form. She reached out to stroke his shoulder the way her mom always used to when she had a nightmare. As her fingertips grazed his shoulder, he jumped, spinning to face her with wide eyes.

“Santana?” He whispered thickly.

“Hey. Are you alright?” She asked gently, careful not to mention the crying.

“Yeah, yeah. Just a nightmare. Sorry.”

She frowned, stroking his jawline as gently as she could. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “It was stupid. I’m an idiot for crying about it. Go back to sleep; I’m sorry for waking you.”  
Santana set her jaw, unwilling to leave him in the sorry state in which she had found him. “Not without you,” she stated, tugging on his arm to pull him off the couch. “Come on, you’re sleeping with me.”

He didn’t even pretend to fight as she dragged him over to the bed.

“C’mere,” she whispered, pulling him closer as he climbed in next to her. She met his pale eyes, illuminated by the lamp-light.

“Sorry,” he mumbled again, reaching out to smooth her hair, mussed up by her fitful sleeping. “I feel like a total idiot.”

Santana smiled before leaning in to kiss his plump lips. “You’re not an idiot.”

Before she knew it, she was on her back, Sebastian balancing his weight on his arms as he hovered about her, leaning in for another damp kiss before pulling back to meet her eyes.

“I love you.”


	5. Friends are Always Telling Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We always long for the forbidden things... - Francois Rabelais

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't very good. Mostly because I had no idea how to deal with the situation I'd gotten myself into with this story. Hope it's okay all the same.

There was a moment of silence as Santana tried to process what Sebastian had just said. "You- you love me?" She whispered, blinking furiously at the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her eyes.

He nodded mutely.

"You love me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do, I'm sorry."

Santana blinked. "Why are you sorry?"

Sebastian frowned, rolling off her before turning to face her. "Because. Well, there are so many reasons. This was supposed to be a fun thing; hate sex, if you will. And yet I had to go and pull a Patrick Verona and actually fall for you."

"Did you just make a _10 Things I Hate About You_ reference, Smythe?"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, right, not the time to tease you about your RomCom addiction."

"As I was saying; I'm sorry because I fell for you. And I got petty so I tried to make you mad at me. Then I decided to try ignoring you. Anything to get you to stay away. I didn't mean for this to happen. I hate myself for it."

"I don't hate you for it." She stretched her arm towards him, trailing her fingers across his lips. "I hate you for not telling me and letting me think I was alone in this. You allowed me to believe you didn't feel anything."

"My acting coach would be so proud," Sebastian muttered against her fingers. "What are we going to do about this?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Do you have to make this a Shakespearean tragedy? We're going to do the right thing. I'm going to break Brittany's heart, because she deserves better than me and we will give this a shot. Okay?"

Sebastian's mouth fell open, his eyes blown wide with what appeared to Santana to be something closely resembling hope.

"I'm serious Sebastian. You have to be committed to this too. I'm not willing to break up with the most amazing girl in the world and tell my friends that I'm dating the enemy if you don't really mean this."

Sebastian smiled. "Of course I mean it."

She returned his smile before pulling him closer for a lingering kiss. "Kurt's going to be livid. Don't get left alone with him and BeDazzler," she advised, unable to keep the mirth out of her voice. "I quite like you the way you are; I'd rather not have to go on dates with you explaining you’re completely covered in sequins."

Sebastian grinned.

**^•^**

Santana sat on the edge of Brittany's bed, chewing the inside of her cheek as she tried to build the courage to do the right thing. "Britt, we need to talk."

Brittany, who had been busy getting her equipment ready to film another episode of _Fondue for Two_ , turned, looking at her with a worried crease in between her furrowed eyebrows. "Okay."

"Sit with me."

As Brittany joined her, Santana shrugged off her jacket; it felt wrong to be wearing Sebastian's clothes as she broke up with her girlfriend. "Look, Britt, you know I love you and that I will always care about you but I really can't do this anymore"

"Film with me? Well, that's okay. I much prefer your sweet lady kisses anyway."

Santana smiled despite herself. "Not film, sweetie. This relationship. I'm so sorry."

"You're breaking up with me?"

Santana nodded, fighting against the lump in her throat. "Brittany, listen to me. This isn't about you, okay. I love you, I really do and I probably always will. I just don't love you enough. There's someone else."

"What?"

"It was just a bit of fun, but it went too far. I-"

"Who is she?" Brittany demanded suddenly, her blue eyes watery. "Do I know her?"

Santana swallowed, her breath catching in her throat. "Brittany, it's a boy. It's Sebastian."

"You're a lesbian. You like _girls_. Why are you lying to yourself? Wait, Warbler Sebastian? The one who slushied Blaine?"

Santana nodded, looking down at her hands, currently curled in fists in her laps. "That's the one."

"But he-he's gay. And you're a lesbian."

Santana nodded. "That's what we thought too. I never meant for this to happen. I would never have done this to hurt you. It was an accident. Too much hatred or something. I was attracted to him. Brittany, please. Please say you'll forgive me for this. I never wanted to hurt you but I can't keep pretending."

"I think you should leave, Santana."

Santana nodded, collecting her belongings. "I really am sorry, Brittany," she sobbed as she made her way to the door.

**^•^**

Santana stood in front of the glee club, her stomach knotting up as she felt Artie's glare on her from where he sat, hand holding Brittany's. Clearly Brittany had felt the need to share Santana's betrayal.

"Okay, so I have something I need to say. It's important so if you idiots could just listen for a few minutes," she turned to the silent piano player and nodded for him to begin.

 

 

 

_Our love, her trust_

_I might as well take a gun and put it to her head_

_Get it over with_

_I don't wanna do this_

_Anymore_

_Whoa, oh._

 

She finished the song, taking a deep breath before looking towards Brittany who very deliberately turned her attention to Artie.

"If you didn't already know," she said quietly, turning to the crowd who were looking at her in confusion. "Brittany and I broke up last night." She met Blaine's eyes as he shook her head, silently warning her against telling the rest of them what he clearly knew was coming next. "The truth is that I've been hooking up with Sebastian. For quite some time now. And I’m in love with him. Just thought you should know."

There was a moment of silence in which all Santana could hear was her own heartbeat before the room erupted in chaos.

_"Are you mad?!"_

_"He's the enemy!"_

_"What were you thinking?!"_

_"Have you forgotten what he did?!"_

_"He's pure evil!"_

 

"Alright!" Mr Schue yelled, ending the verbal onslaught almost as quickly as it had begun. "I understand why some of you are clearly upset by this news but it's Santana's choice. And in this glee club we are all about acceptance. So I think you should all respect Santana's honesty and accept her choice.”

“Thanks, Mr Schue,” she whispered, before looking back at her classmates. “Thanks for your support,” she muttered, turning her back on them and rushing from the class room.

 

**^•^**

Later that day she was collecting books from her locker when she felt a quick, sharp tap on her shoulder. She turned, confused; no one had spoken to her since her bombshell in glee.

“Hey.”  


“Rachel,” she acknowledged warily. “Why are you talking to me? I thought I was public enemy number one.”

Rachel smiled, her eyes looking sad as she chewed on her lip. “Remember when everyone found out I was dating Jesse?”

Santana nodded. “Vividly.”

“Now, I’m not saying this is anything like that. I want to believe that what you and Sebastian have is real, weird as it is, given I thought you both played for the other team-”

“Rachel.”

“Right, sorry. I’m just saying, I know what you’re going through. Maybe not exactly, but I want to be supportive since no one would be supportive for me.”

“Oh,” Santana couldn’t hide her surprise. After all, she’d never been anything but awful to Rachel throughout their entire high school careers. “Thanks, I guess?”

“You’re welcome. Don’t worry, they’ll come around. Eventually.”

“Sure.” She smiled at Rachel, hoping the shorter girl would take it as an indication that their conversation had come to an end.  “See you around,” she added, when Rachel didn’t immediately leave, shutting her locker before heading to her final class of the day. Comforted by the fact she had plans to meet with Sebastian later that night.


	6. Am I the only Believer?

Santana rushed from the school, trying to calm herself as she caught sight of Sebastian leaning attractively against his car. One foot was resting on a tyre, clearly doing his best to look cool without ruining the expensive paint job (she didn't know a lot about cars but she'd 'dated' Puck long enough to recognize a Mercedes when she saw one).

She darted into his outstretched arms, ignoring the stares and glares from her classmates. He was still in his Warbler's uniform. She smiled, taking a deep breath, filling her nose with the familiar scent of his cologne.

"I've missed you," she admitted bashfully, pressing her face flush against his chest. "I've had the worst day."

He hooked his index finger under her chin, pulling at her gently until she looked up at his frowning face. "What happened?"

"I told everyone. Suffices to say they didn't take it too well."

His forehead creased. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

She nodded. "It is, yeah. But you've changed, you said it yourself. Why can't they just be happy I'm happy?"

He grinned. "Because, and I mean this as a compliment, you're the biggest bitch in Lima." He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. "Listen, I think we should get going; your glee buddies look about set to kill me." He jutted his chin in the direction of the school. Santana didn't have to turn round to know that Puck had been staring at them since Santana had first accepted Sebastian's outstretched arms.

Santana refused to meet any of their furious stares, she scanned them quickly for Blaine, hoping for at least one sympathetic face. He wasn't there. She rushed round to passenger's side of Sebastian's shiny car.

_I don't care, I don't care, I **don't care** _

She repeated her mantra in her head, trying to believe it. She wished it was true.

Sebastian squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

She frowned. "You shouldn't be. You make me happy. I love you, Sebastian."

He nodded, smiling gently before reaching across with his free hand to turn on the radio.

" _Don't stop believing..._ "

She hit the off button harder than she'd intended. No. Not that song, not now.

"You don't like Journey?" Sebastian asked, his eyebrow raised as he stared out at the road.

"Yeah. It's just that's sort of New Direction's _'song'_. As if I didn't feel guilty enough already."

Though she wasn't looking she could tell he was rolling his eyes at her.

"I cheated, Sebastian."

"Is that why they're angry with you?" He asked, irritation lacing his every word.

She shook her head. "Not based on their accusations of your being pure evil..."

Sebastian turned to face her, making her slightly uneasy as he weaved through the traffic. "They think I'm pure evil? Harsh."

Despite his words, Santana could hear a hint of pride in his voice. She decided to ignore it. There was no use fighting with him as well as everyone else.

She remembered Rachel's little speech by her locker as they passed Carmel High. Santana hadn't given much thought to Jesse in a long time; they'd never been big fans of each other after all, plus she’d avoided him as often as possible when she'd realized just how similar to Rachel he truly was.

Even so, she now found herself wondering about him. Wondering if Jesse regretted not fighting for Rachel. After all, despite everything, he claimed he had loved her once and they'd been a good match.

Despite her best efforts she found herself looking at Sebastian. Were they going to be any different?

She tried not to imagine herself sat in the middle of the glee club, them looking sympathetic whilst desperately trying to stop themselves saying _'I Told You So'_.

"Are you alright, Lopez?"

She nodded, jarred from her reverie. "Just thinking."

Sebastian wasn't going to be another Jesse. She knew that.

"Where are we going?" She asked, realizing they'd passed the border of Lima. She hadn't even realized how long they'd been driving, she'd been so caught up in her own thoughts.

"I thought it might be nice to get out of Lima, be anonymous for a while. Not that I don't love Breadstix," he added hastily, clearly having noticed Santana getting ready to jump to the defence of her favourite restaurant. "One day, I'll take you out of state, somewhere really fancy," he promised, turning his attention from the road long enough to smile at her. One of the genuine smiles he seemed to reserve only for her.

**~xXx~**

They drove for another half hour before stopping at a little roadside restaurant. It was nothing special, but even Santana had to admit it was cute. The interior looked like it hadn't been touched since the 1950s. Straight out of _Grease_ , she thought appreciatively - she'd have to remember to mention it to Blaine. There was even an old fashioned jukebox in the corner. 

She was sat across from Sebastian, finishing off the last of her lasagne - a difficult feat with Sebastian insisting on holding her hand.

"Do you have to watch me?" She grumbled around a mouthful of salad.

He nodded, reaching over to wipe some sauce from her lip. "You missed some," he added, offering his thumb to her. She wrinkled her nose. "More for me," he decided, sucking the sauce from his thumb nonchalantly.

"You're disgusting," she admonished.

"You love it."

"I love _you_ ," she corrected, matching his grin with one of her own. “Do you want a dessert?”

“I can think of something better we could be doing,” Sebastian winked, waving the waitress over.

Santana reached for her bag, trying to remember which pocket she’d shoved her purse in that morning.

“My treat.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “I can pay for myself, Smythe.”

“If I let you pay for our meal who’s going to pay for the hotel?”

Santana raised her eyebrows. “Someone’s feeling generous. What have I done to deserve a hotel rather than a motel?”

“I’d be a crap boyfriend if I didn’t treat you to a hotel every now and then. Besides, I don’t think my back can take anymore rusty motel mattress springs.” He grinned again, pulling a couple of notes from his pocket and handing them to the waitress. “Keep the change.”

**XxXxX**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I'll try updating more regularly.


	7. Talk Some Sense

Santana stood in the choir room, doing vocal runs with the rest of the glee club. Regionals was tomorrow night and, while confident in her friend’s abilities, she couldn’t help but be nervous. After all, their opposition was her, admittedly talented, boyfriend.

“Hey.”

She turned, surprised anyone was speaking to her – there seemed to be an unspoken rule that speaking to her was breaking some sort of sacred bond. “Rachel?”

Santana didn’t have to look around to notice that Finn was glaring at her, ready to jump in should the need arise.

“Look, I know we’re not friends, not really, but like I told you before, I don’t like Sebastian, but I want to be supportive and I don’t like the way everyone else is treating you. It’s like you’re a wicked witch or something. Oh! You’re Elphaba!”

“Rachel, English, please.”

“Santana, Rachel! Focus!”

Mr Schue motioned for them to come closer to the front where he could keep an eye on them, ending their conversation for the rest of the glee club meeting.

**xXxXx**

Santana tried to make her way to the lunch hall without meeting any of the glares of her so-called friends.

“Santana!”

She groaned, turning in the direction of Blaine’s voice. “What do you want, Blaine?”

He jogged up to her, catching her elbow. “I wanted to apologise. I haven’t been a very good friend lately.”

“Blaine, we were never friends to begin with.”

“Maybe not, but I did know about your relationship and I have spent time with you and Sebastian.”

“One meal isn’t spending time with people,” Santana snapped, quickening her pace. She wasn’t hungry but she wanted to get to the lunch hall where Blaine would be unable to speak to her lest their friends catch him.

“Maybe not, but it was long enough to realise that you two really care about each other. I saw that and I still didn’t stand up for you when everyone else was yelling. I was cowardly – I didn’t want Kurt to realise that I hadn’t told him I knew. Or, rather, I didn’t want him to know I’d been associating with Sebastian in any way. You know what he’s like.”

Santana rolled her eyes, her arms folded almost painfully tightly across her chest. “It doesn’t matter now. Everyone’s already made up their minds, and you already made your decision. I know that cheating on Brittany was wrong and I know that Sebastian hurt you but I can’t help what I feel. It’s not like I asked for this. I just wish people could see that.”

She turned on her heel, heading as far away from Blaine as she could. She tugged her phone out of her pocket, blinking back tears as she dialled Sebastian’s number.

“Santana?”

“Seb.”

“Listen, Santana I’m supposed to be getting ready for a Warblers practice. Are you okay?”

“Oh right, sorry. I didn’t think. It’s nothing. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Hey – hold on Nick, this is important - Santana, what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, it’s stupid.”

She could almost hear him rolling his eyes at her.

“Santana, you wouldn’t have phoned me over nothing. What happened?”

She sighed, embarrassed by her emotional weakness. “I’m just tired, you know. I’m tired of everyone glaring at me and talking about my decisions. Why can’t I love who I love? Just once, I want everyone to be supportive of me and what I want and who I choose.”

Santana heard rustling over the line.

“Nick, take over the meeting. I know it’s our last one before regionals but some things are more important. Don’t you take that tone with me! You wish! Jeff, you know the choreography. Hey, Santana, meet me in the Lima Bean in twenty minutes.”

She nodded before realising he couldn’t see her. “Alright, I’ll see you there then.”

“I love you, Santana.”

Santana sighed, hanging up on him. She turned, ready to head out to her car before colliding heavily with a flustered Rachel.

“Hey!”

“What do you want, Berry?”

Rachel blinked, apparently taken aback by her tone. “I just wanted to finish our earlier conversation. Finn has football practice so he won’t be bothering us.”

“Look, Rachel, can this wait? I have to be somewhere.”

The diminutive diva frowned at her. “I – yeah. Sure.”

Santana groaned. “I’m grateful for your support, Rachel. I am. It’s just I’m in a bit of a hurry. I’m supposed to be meeting Sebastian at the Lima Bean in,” she checked her watch. “Fifteen minutes.”

 

“Can I join you?” Rachel asked suddenly, surprising Santana more than she cared to admit.

She nodded, mouth agape. “I guess. Why?”

“Oh, I fancy a chai latte. And I want to see if Sebastian’s really changed. Sorry, I’m curious.” She looked up at Santana, embarrassment clear in her dark eyes. “Blaine seems to think it’s real and I trust him, but I’d like to see it for myself.”

Santana nodded mutely. “Come on, then. Otherwise we’re going to be late.”

**xXxXx**

 

Santana sat next to Sebastian, awkwardly sipping her coffee as Rachel babbled on about some nonsense.

“Really?”

Santana couldn’t help but smile as Sebastian pretended to be enthused by Rachel’s incessant monologue. He turned to her, slyly rolling his eyes before turning his attention back to the conversation.

“Hey, this is really interesting but I really need to take a trip to the bathroom, if you’d excuse me.”

Rachel waved him off with a hand turning her attention to Santana as soon as Sebastian was out of earshot. “He really is different,” she admitted, turning her cup in her hands. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Santana smiled, staring after Sebastian. “He has. I think the Karofsky incident genuinely had a real impact on him. He’s not a bad guy, Rachel.”

“I see that. You know, if the others saw this side to him, they might come around.”

“After what he did to Blaine?”

“Blaine might not have forgiven him entirely, but he knows he’s changed and I’m sure he’d be more than willing to tell the others.”

Santana sighed, irritated by Rachel’s naivety. “Rachel, Blaine had the chance to stand up in the choir room when I told everyone and defend us. He didn’t. He was too scared of how everyone would react. I’m amazed he told you.”

Rachel grinned, looking as if she had succeeded in carrying out some master plan. “I can be very persuasive.”

“I don’t even want to know.”

Rachel laughed. “Hey, it was totally innocent. I just promised him some gigs in exchange for everything he knew about you and Sebastian.”

“That’s surprisingly devious, I’m impressed.” Santana startled as Sebastian sat down beside her.

Santana nodded in agreement. “Remind me not to underestimate you again, Berry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The action is going to pick up again in the next chapter. Promise ;)


	8. I'm A Fool For Thinking Otherwise

 

Santana breathed heavily as she prepared to go on stage. The performances had gone as well as could be expected, given Rachel and Blaine were still the only ones talking to her. She'd begged Mr Schue to be allowed to change dance partners - the irony of the fact that Brittany was dancing with one of her few allies hadn't escaped her - but he had refused, stating apologetically that everyone had become accustomed to dancing with their allocated partner.

The result had been Santana trying her best to ignore Mike's frosty expression - she still wasn't sure how much of that was him and how much was Tina's influence - and instead focus on her choreography, lyrics and, most importantly, Sebastian's smiling face in the audience.

His presence had immediately calmed her as she watched him swaying along, clapping every now and again, mouthing along to the songs as she sang. The smile never leaving his face.

Now, however, no one was smiling as they all returned to the stage, ready to find out who would be continuing on to Nationals. She felt almost guilty when she looked at Sebastian, knowing he wanted to go just as much as she did.

Her heart was in her throat as the results were announced. She couldn't look at Sebastian as it was announced New Directions would be progressing. She left it to Blaine to go shake hands with him, it seemed more symbolic anyway, if they were in a movie the whole scene would have played out in slow motion - dang it, she was turning into Rachel -as she did her best to join in with her choir's celebrations.

"Oi, Lopez!"

She spun on her heel, her skirt spinning out around her (she hadn't bothered to change out of her dress, it was surprisingly comfortable, she'd have to compliment Tina on that. Well, if they ever spoke again). "Sebastian," she smiled, rushing into his arms.

"You were amazing!" His eyes glistened with excitement.

"You're not mad about the results?" She questioned hesitantly, not wanting to ruin his good mood.

"Nah, you guys deserved it. Besides, we raised loads for Born This Way, so it's all good."

She pressed a gentle kiss to his warm cheek. "You looked great up there," she grinned, wiping away the lipstick stain she'd left on his cheek. "But you weren't even close to me."

Sebastian smiled, it seemed, just like her he was remembering their MJ duel all that time ago. "I'll let you have this one. If only because you guys managed to mix Nicki Minaj with R. Kelly and made it sound decent."

"Santana?"

She turned, not letting go of Sebastian to look at Blaine. "What's up, Blaine?"

"You missed Mr Schue's speech."

She rolled her eyes. "He'll give the exact same speech on Monday. I haven't missed much."

Blaine smiled, nodding. "Listen, we were planning on heading to Breadstix to celebrate. Are you coming?"

"I'm not sure I'm invited. Besides-,"Santana looked back at Sebastian who nodded.

"You should go. It might be a good time, everyone's in good spirits."

Santana frowned. It seemed like good logic but she couldn't kick the sick feeling in her stomach at the thought of being with the entire glee club in Breadstix when only two of them were talking to her, if you didn't count Finn copying her work in Spanish class.

"Go on, I'm not going to be much fun anyway. I'm supposed to be going out with the boys, drown our sorrows and all that."

She nodded, resigned to the fact that she was going to be forced into going whether or not she wanted to. "Hey, Blaine. I can sit with you and Kurt, right?"

Blaine smiled, charm oozing off him. "'Course. I'll make sure Kurt's on his best behaviour."

"Send him my regards," Sebastian added, giving her a quick kiss before hurrying off to re-join the dejected looking Warblers.

***•*•***

Santana sat in Breadstix picking at the appetizers that had been left in the centre of table. She was doing her best to drown out Rachel and Finn's sickeningly sweet rendition of some cheesy pop ballad from the 80s.

"Santana?"

She turned her attention from the bread she had all but turned to dust. "What do you want, Puck?"

He grinned impishly at her. "A chat."

She rolled her eyes. "Sit down then," she gestured to the free seats across from her - Kurt and Blaine were busy slow dancing in the middle of the restaurant. "Go on then. Chat."

Puck raised an eyebrow at her. "Someone seems eager."

Santana ground her teeth together. Deep breaths, she told herself, you want them to be your friends again, removing Puckerman's teeth is counterproductive to that goal.

But it would be good fun, another voice argued irritatingly.

"But that's beside the point. I've been thinking. Since you seem to be swinging back to my team, as it were, I was wondering if you'd like to resume our previous relationship."

She snapped back to attention at that. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, Santana. What we had was great, like, the best sex either of us has ever had."

Santana blinked, unable to tell if he was actually being serious. "I have a boyfriend."

"Who's gay."

Santana growled. "Neither of us likes labels. I'm not going to cheat on Sebastian, Puck."

Puck's eye brows pulled together forming deep lines in his forehead. "Cheating has never bothered you before."

"Can I cut in?" A familiar voice asked.

At that moment Santana could've sworn Blaine was actually an angel.

"Absolutely," she smiled, shooting a glare in Puck's direction. He simply winked in response.

"Thank you," she whispered to Blaine as he led her to the dance floor. "I was about ready to snap."

Blaine chuckled. "I'd noticed, it's sort of why I sent Kurt off to Mercedes," he admitted, jutting his chin in the direction of Kurt and Mercedes who were grinding together ridiculously. Santana couldn't help but smile fondly at them.

"I reckon we can do better than that," she grinned at Blaine, dropping her hands to his hips.

"I'll bet," he agreed, tugging her closer so that their hips were touching. They danced together like that for a while, trying to to laugh as Kurt and Mercedes finally noticed, doing their best to outdo them before collapsing in a fit of giggles only Mercedes could have caused.

A sudden vibration from Blaine's pocket made Santana jump, dropping her hands from him quickly. "Is that your phone or are you just super happy to be dancing with me?"

Blaine raised an eyebrow at her, fishing his phone from his pocket. Santana stopped paying attention as he read through his messages, at least until she heard him gasp.

"Blaine?"

She looked at his pale face. "Are you okay?"

He nodded mutely. "Just fine," he whispered, clicking the lock button on his phone harshly.

"Seriously, Blaine, you don't look good."

He shook his head. "I'm fine, really." He held his phone tightly against his chest. As if afraid she would see his messages.

"Then why do you look like someone's just told you Kurt's pregnant?"

He didn’t even look at her, rolling his phone between his hands before unlocking it and handing it to her. “I’m sorry.”

Santana's heart was thumping in her chest as she took the phone, scrolling through his messages before coming to the top of the list. She frowned as she noticed the preview:

_Thought you should see this. He was using her..._

She clicked on the message, her hands shaking as she waited for it to load.

**_Thought you should see this. He was using her. You know who I mean._ **

Below the text was a blurry picture. Despite the poor quality it didn't take Santana long to figure out that it was Sebastian in the picture. Sebastian kissing some guy in some dodgy looking club. She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat. She wasn't going to cry. Not in front of everyone.

**_He was just supposed to cause a rift in your club. He took it too far, as always.  Do what you like with this information._ **

**_A friend._ **

 

Santana shoved the phone back at Blaine, not apologizing as she heard it connect with his chest with a loud thump. "Who sent you that?"

Blaine rubbed at his chest, shoving his phone back in his pocket. "Santana -"

"Who. Sent. You. That?!" She screeched, ignoring the startled looks of her friends. "Blaine, please. I deserve to know."

He reached out for her hand, flinching when she pulled herself away from his touch. "I don't know, Santana. I'm so sorry."

She shook her head, looking at each person in the circle that had gathered around them. She barely took in their expressions, she didn't want to see the smugness she was sure would be there. A strangled sob escaped her as she darted for the door, collapsing to the ground as the cool evening air hit her face.

"Santana!"

She pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Santana," Brittany sat down next to her. "Are you okay?"

Santana shook her head. "I want to be alone, Brittany. Please?"

Brittany nodded sadly. "I still care about you, you know," she whispered.

Santana nodded, rubbing at her eyes. "I know, Britt. I love you."

They both knew she meant it. Perhaps not the way she used to but just as sincerely as she always had. 

Brittany smiled. "I know. Oh, I wanted you to be the first to know. I'm back with Artie."

Santana nodded. "I thought so. I'm happy for you, really."

"Thank you. I want to be happy for you too, I just don't think I'm ready. Not yet."

Santana flinched. "Doesn't look like there's going to be anything to be happy about," she muttered. "Sebastian cheated," she stated, noticing Brittany's confused expression. "Serves me right, huh?"

Brittany wrapped a thin arm around her shoulder. "No. No it doesn't. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I forgave you for that almost immediately, you know. I think I knew, actually. That isn't the part that hurt me."

"Then what?"

"You chose Sebastian over me without even giving me a chance to know I had was competing. Especially against a _guy_."

Santana sniffled. "I was a pretty terrible girlfriend."

Brittany nodded. "Sometimes," she admitted, pressing a kiss to Santana's temple. "I wouldn't change any of it though.”

"Hey, when did you get so smart, Britt?"

"I wanted to impress Artie so I started watching videos on how to be smarter with Lord Tubbington."

There it was. The classic Brittany statement that had always managed to make her feel better. “Artie’s lucky to have you. Speaking of Lord Tubbington, I really miss that fat cat. Any chance I can see him soon?”

Brittany grinned. “He misses you too, he started smoking again. If you come see him can you tell him to stop swearing at Artie?”

***•*•***

Santana’s phone had been vibrating for five minutes straight. She groaned, finally giving up on getting any sleep and reaching over to grab it.

**_Santana…_ **

**_Wake up._ **

**_Have I done something wrong?_ **

**_Speak to me._ **

**_Santana, it’s been two days. Tell me what I’ve done wrong._ **

She shook her head. This wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over text. Then again, she didn’t want to see him either. Snixx wasn’t so well under control that she believed she’d be able to resist causing actual bodily harm to Sebastian.

**_I don’t want to talk to you._ **

She wiped at her eyes. This wasn’t going to be one of those times she caved and gave in to how much she missed him. She’d thrown his jacket to the bottom of her closet, afraid of the temptation it was bound to cause. She missed him.

**_I love you._ **

She sighed.

**_I love you too. Doesn’t change anything. I need some space._ **

Santana hit send, turning her phone off and rolling away from the nightstand. It was three am. She was not going to call him at three am. She was not going to be weak.

**xXxXx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ducks undercover** Sorry.


	9. This Time I Swear

Santana was leaning against the choir room door, watching her friends laughing. She tried not to look at Rachel and Finn, as sickeningly cute as always. It actually physically hurt how much she missed Sebastian. Not that she would ever admit that, not to anyone.

“Are you coming in?”

She flinched, nodding as she made way for Artie and Brittany, following in behind them. She took a seat as far away from everyone as she could. She missed them not talking to her. It was better than the faux pity they had begun to pile on her at every opportunity.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded, not turning to face Blaine. “I just want to be alone at the moment, you understand, right?”

Blaine nodded, patting her shoulder. “I do. It’s just, I don’t think that’s a particularly healthy response.”

Santana finally looked at him. “I really don’t care what you think is a healthy response, Blaine.”

He blinked, nodding his head and turning to talk to Kurt instead.

She tuned everyone out for the rest of the hour.

**xXxXx**

Santana slammed her locker door shut, ignoring the startled looks from her neighbours.

“Santana Lopez!”

She froze.

Not now. Not here.

She turning as slowly as she could. “Sebastian,” she whispered, not daring to look at him. “What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t spoken to me in almost a week, Santana. You won’t tell me what I’ve done wrong. I deserve answers.”

“And I deserve a faithful boyfriend.”

She was aware of the growing crowd around them but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

“See, you’ve lost me. I have no idea what I’ve done to upset you.”

Santana groaned. “That’s the worst of it. You might not think being in a relationship means kissing other people is wrong but I do, Sebastian.”

“Kissing other people? Santana what are you talking about.”

“Santana, I think it’s time to go,” Kurt whispered, stepping forward, tugging on her arm.

“She’s not going anywhere with you, Lady!”

Santana winced as Sebastian grabbed her other arm, pulling her from Kurt’s grip. “Let go of me!”

Instead of doing as she asked, Sebastian pulled her closer, slamming his lips against hers, teeth hitting together painfully. She sighed, almost allowing herself to fall into the kiss, her arms aching to wrap around his neck. She wrenched herself away, glaring into his pleading eyes before slapping him, the resounding ‘smack’ shocking even her.

“It’s over, Sebastian. Please, just leave me alone.”

With that she allowed Kurt to lead her away, pulling her unwillingly towards Math. She hated Math.

**xXxXx**

Santana was sprawled on her bed, books surrounding her as she half-heartedly listened to her Michael Jackson playlist. As Smooth Criminal began to play she allowed a single tear to fall from her eye before swatting it away.

She hit the pause button, irritated with herself for becoming such a stereotypical broken hearted teenage girl. What had Sebastian done with Santana? Maybe it was time Snixx came out to play, just for a while, at least until she’d repaired the damage to her heart.

Her phone vibrated. She sighed, looking at the notification.

**_ I know you told me to leave you alone. I just need to talk to you. _ **

She typed out a quick message, wishing he would just leave her alone, she wanted to grieve their relationship and get over it. Quickly. Even if that did mean going back to Puck for a week or two.

**_Sebastian, it’s over. Please, just give me some space, I’m not ready to talk to you._ **

She half debated turning her phone off but something stopped her. She didn’t want to admit it, but despite everything he’d done she just couldn’t stop wanting to speak to Sebastian.

**_ Santana. I’m begging here. Please. _ **

Santana frowned. Against her better judgement she couldn’t help but want to hear what he had to say.

She stared at her phone, waiting impatiently for his reply. She had to know the truth about what had happened. Was he just going to deny it? Was he going to claim it was just a drunken mistake? She had to know.

**_ Thank you. Look, you accused me of being unfaithful, Santana. You have to tell me who told you that. I need to know what I’m up against here! _ **

**_You don’t deny it?_ **

**_ I don’t know what I’m supposed to be denying. Tell me. Please? _ **

He was a damn good liar. She had to give him that. She could almost believe that he genuinely didn’t know what she was talking about. At least, if she didn’t see the picture of him kissing some random guy every time she closed her eyes.

**_I saw, Sebastian._ **

She curled in on herself. She’d been right before. She wasn’t ready to talk about this. It hurt too much.

**_ That doesn’t help me know what’s going on. Saw what? _ **

**_Someone sent Blaine a picture of what you did. I saw it. You could’ve just told me. When you said you loved me I believed you. I love you Sebastian. You let me love you. You let me believe that you loved me. If it was just a game to you why did you let it go so far?_ **

She typed furiously, blinking back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her eyes. She could barely see past them as she hit the send button.

**_ I do love you. You know I love you.  _ **

**_ Wait, what picture? _ **

**_The one of you kissing that guy, Sebastian. Someone took a picture of it and sent it to Blaine. You couldn’t even tell me yourself, you just let yourself get caught._ **

**_ What guy? Santana, I swear to you I haven’t kissed any guys since I told you I loved you. I mean, I haven’t kissed any girls either. It’s just you.  _ **

**_I want to believe you. You don’t know how much I want to believe you._ **

**_ Then give me a chance to prove it to you, please Santana. You know me. _ **

**_Meet me in the Lima Bean tomorrow at 2._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a song that totally goes with Sebtana in this story check out Little Mix's Secret Love Song (Part II)!!!


	10. They Say True Love Hurts

Santana tugged Sebastian’s jacket tighter around her, breathing in the faded smell of his all too familiar cologne. She looked at the clock, time seemed to be moving much slower than usual. She had arrived at the Lima Bean fifteen minutes early, it felt like it had been an eternity but the hands of clock suggested it had barely been two minutes.

She sipped at her coffee, wincing as the hot liquid slowly burnt its way down her throat. She looked at the clock again. Ten minutes before Sebastian was supposed to arrive. She sighed. Part of her was tempted to leave. She didn’t want to see him. Whatever excuse he could come up with wouldn’t be worth hearing. It wouldn’t change what he’d done.

Then why are you wearing his jacket?

An irritating voice in her head questioned. In all honesty she didn’t know the answer to that herself. It seemed foolish to wear his jacket to meet him, as though it might give him false hope that she was willing to forgive him and get back together. She had, after all, dug it up from the bottom of her closet where it had lain for days, gone but never out of her mind. Just like Sebastian himself.

Eight minutes left.

She sighed. This was ridiculous, since when had she been a love-struck fool staring at the clock? The Santana of a few months ago would have been sickened at the sight of her. Her hair was lank, it hadn’t been in its signature high pony tail for almost a week, and it hadn’t been washed in four days. What was the point?

Five minutes.

She turned her attention from the clock to the door. She’d finished her coffee. She passed the empty cup from hand to hand. She’d debated getting Sebastian a coffee, she knew his order after all, but had ultimately decided against it. She didn’t want him thinking she cared enough to remember silly little details like that one. Yet, as she looked at the door, waiting for him to arrive she realised that she did want him to know that she cared. Of course she knew seemingly inconsequential things like his coffee order. She loved him. She wanted him to realise just how much his betrayal had hurt her and cost him. She was a catch.

He was late.

Great. He was going to stand her up. Rub salt into the wound after everything he’d already done. Just what she needed. She sighed. She’d been an idiot to arrange a meeting with him. This just proved it. Her phone vibrated.

I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic is terrible. I’ll be there as soon as I can.

She frowned as a second text came through.

Please don’t leave. I’m on my way, I swear.

The idiot was texting behind the wheel. She shuddered at the thought of him being involved in an accident trying to convince her to hear him out. She resolved to stay. Just so that she would be responsible for anything like that.

Another fifteen minutes passed. Santana was almost ready to give up, pack her things away and leave. Something stopped her.

“Oh, thank God you’re still here!”

She looked up as Sebastian sat in the chair across from her. “You’re late.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I told you I was stuck in traffic!”

“I’ve been here for almost an hour!”

“Santana, you said to meet at two, not half past one. I’m only twenty minutes late.”

“Only?”

Sebastian groaned, rubbing his forehead. “Look, we came here to talk, not argue more.”

She nodded, agreeing readily. The last thing either of them needed was another argument. Especially about something as inane as time keeping.

“It’s been a long time, Santana.”

“Sebastian, it’s barely been a week. That’s not a long time. You said you wanted to explain. So explain."

Sebastian looked at her, his eyes hurt by her abrupt tone. "You accused men of cheating, Santana. What would make you think I would ever do that to you?"

"I have the proof, Sebastian," she slid her phone across to him.

She had spent the previous evening, after agreeing to meet Sebastian, begging Blaine to send her the picture. At first he claimed he'd deleted it - a fact Santana knew to be a lie, he kept all his texts for later use in arguments, he'd done so to her on several occasions - before admitting that was a lie. Instead he tried to convince her it wouldn't be healthy for him to send it to her. That it would just cause her further pain. In the end he'd acquiesced, stating he wasn't to blame for anything that came of him handing the picture over.

"Where did you get this?" Sebastian demanded, staring intently at her phone.

"It was sent to Blaine, when we went out to Breadstix after Regionals. Everyone saw."

Sebastian nodded slowly. "Someone's trying to break us up."

Santana sighed. "Well, they succeeded. Didn't they?"

Sebastian's eyes widened minutely. "You can't mean, it's just a fight. We fight. That's sort of our thing."

"Okay, someone’s watched The Notebook one too many times. This isn't some cheesy romance movie, this is real life. I don't feel like I can trust you anymore. I can’t be in another relationship based on lies and distrust.”

“Santana. Did you look at this picture? Really look, I mean?”

Santana shook her head. “I was too busy being embarrassed for telling everyone you’d changed only to be proven wrong. I sort of threw Blaine’s phone back at him and ran.”

He nodded, evidently not as surprised by her outburst as Blaine had been. “So you didn’t take the time to think about everything we’d been through? Or how many times I told you I love you?”

She sighed. “There was a message that came with it. Something along the lines of ‘he was using her. He took it too far’. What am I supposed to make of that? What would you have done?”

He grabbed her hand. “Of course I would have been angry. I’m not going to deny that. Unlike you, however, I would have immediately tried to find out if it was true. Perhaps they don’t mean that much to you but the words ‘I love you’ mean a lot to me. I wouldn’t say them lightly. Santana, even I’m not that good an actor. We’ve always been honest with each other. I would’ve told you about all this, before you broke up with Brittany. I may be a horrible person but I’m not that cruel.”

She desperately wanted to believe him and looking in his pleading eyes she was almost tempted to just let her walls crumble down. There was, however, still the matter of the picture. “What about the picture?” She whispered. “You going to tell me it’s photo shopped?”

Sebastian shook his head, running his thumb across her knuckles. “I don’t know why anyone still has that. I think it’s from Wes’s graduation party. I’d had too much to drink – fake IDs are brilliant things – and someone dared me to surprise kiss Wes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Why anyone still has that I don’t know. It was just a bit of fun. Almost a year ago. I mean, look at my hair.”

He tapped on the phone screen with his free hand, zooming in on the blurry image. The pixilation worsened but Santana suddenly understood what Sebastian was talking about. The hair in the image was a good inch or so longer than it was now.

“Oh.”

He nodded. “Someone’s trying to break us up. I want to know who.” He stared at her for a minute before leaning across the table and kissing her.


	11. Really Makes Me Wonder

Sebastian had spent the past few nights trying to get information about the whole picture incident from his fellow Warbler's, after all, the number of people who had access to that picture was very small and consisted exclusively of his choir mates.

"So you know absolutely nothing about it?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as Trent shook his head emphatically.

"No, I didn't even realize it had been sent. I would never help an attempt to break you and Santana up," he paused meeting Sebastian's eyes warily. "You've been a much better person since you two started dating."

Sebastian nodded. "I know, and yet someone wants to break us up."

"Honestly, Seb. If I find anything I'll let you know."

He nodded his head in thanks, pulling his phone from his pocket.

_**Trent doesn't know anything either. That's everyone, including Wes himself. Have you found anything?** _

He hit send, sighing.

He didn't want to believe that any of his friends would be so cruel as to spread such unfair lies about him, after all he'd been mostly decent to them, he was hoping that, somehow, one of Santana's friends had found that picture somehow and decided to use it. After all, the New Directions wanted Santana to break up with him far more than the Warblers. Everyone he'd spoken to had commented that he'd been a better person since he'd been dating Santana.

_**Nothing this end. Someone's lying. I just can't tell who.** _

Sebastian groaned. Maybe this mystery was never going to be solved and they would just have to try and patch their relationship up knowing that someone wanted it over.

He had sworn off violence since the unfortunate slushy incident but he was almost tempted to go back on his pledge to be a better person. At least until he imagined the look of disappointment on Santana's face. And the slap that would almost certainly accompany it.

_**Keep me posted. I love you.** _

He continued walking to his next class, irritated with everything. To make matters worse, he suddenly remembered he hadn't finished the work for algebra, he'd been too distracted.

***x***

"Found anything?" Rachel asked conversationally at lunch, causing every other head at the table to turn in their direction.

"I was trying to keep it quiet, Rachel," she hissed, keeping her eyes trained on her salad.

"Found anything about what?"

"Is this about Lord Tubbington's drugs, because I swear I didn't know anything about that. I thought it was flour. I almost baked my mom a cake with it."

Santana smiled fondly, unable to stay annoyed when faced with Brittany's wonderfully weird mind.

"Nothing like that, Brittany. Although I really hope you didn't bake that cake. It's just that photo Blaine was sent of Sebastian - don't look at me like that, Kurt - it's old. Someone's trying to mess with us."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "You're back together?" He demanded, tapping his foot.

Santana rolled her eyes. "You're not my dad, Kurt. And for your information, no. We're not back together, I mean we've talked, he kissed me but I want to get to the bottom of whatever's going on."

Kurt shook his head. "You're willing to believe him, after everything?"

She resisted the urge to throw her soda on his designer shirt. It  _probably_  wouldn't have been worth the chaos. "I am. Mostly because he was right, I had a real look at the picture. There's no way it was recent. His hair's far too long."

Rachel grinned suddenly. "So we've gone full detective mode!"

Santana shook her head. "I made the mistake of telling Rachel and she's decided she's Sherlock Holmes or something. I just want to know what's going on."

"Wait- you make it sound like you think one of us might have been involved."

Santana felt her face redden. "None of you were exactly welcoming about the news," she whispered. "And after what he did to Blaine and the way I hurt Brittany. I can understand why you might've wanted to sabotage our relationship."

Brittany patted the back of her hand while Artie glared. "It's all forgiven!"

She smiled gratefully.

"We might not like Sebastian but we don't  _hate_  him."

"Speak for yourself," Kurt muttered.

Tina sighed. "But he made you happy and that's all we want for each other. I don't want to believe anyone in New Directions would do that to you. Besides, where would any of us have gotten an old picture of Sebastian?"

Santana nodded. She'd thought of all that before, even so, better safe than sorry. "I know, I said as much to Sebastian but he wanted to cover all our bases. I mean, I'm not accusing any of you, but you could have joint forces with one of the Warblers or something."

"Has Sebastian questioned  _them_?" Kurt demanded.

"Of course he has, they all claim innocence. They think he's been a better person since we've been together or something. None of them are owning up to any knowledge of the photo.

"Just let me know if you hear anything?" She sighed.

The others around the table nodded. "Want me to push you to Spanish, Artie?"

He nodded. "Sure, always does my street cred good to have a hottie wheeling me around."

Santana groaned. "Of course. Lucky you have Brittany then." She grabbed the handles of his chair. "See you guys later, c'mon Casanova."

***x***

Santana tapped her pencil on the side of the table, ignoring Rachel blabbering on as she made notes in her so called 'detective notebook'. She was really beginning to regret allowing her to be a part of the investigation.

"Sometimes I wish we had one of those boards, you know, like they have on CSI? It would be so cool!" Rachel mussed, shaking her head as she read over the notes. "Aren't you glad we have this free period together to collect our findings?"

" _Immensely_." Santana could hardly keep the sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "So, what have you found?"

Rachel frowned. "Not much, in all honesty. I've asked everyone. I've even got Finn doing some undercover work within the team, to see if any of them might know anything. You know how they feel about everyone in glee."

"You've really got Finn undercover?"

"I didn't give him the details, obviously. The less he knows the more convincing he'll be."

Santana raised an eyebrow. "You're getting way too into this, Rachel. How many detective shows have you been watching?"

"Exact figure or ballpark?" Rachel asked meekly, a faint blush creeping onto her face. "I may have gotten a little excited when you said that there was more to the picture than it seemed. I couldn't resist."

Santana laughed despite herself. "I may complain but I'm glad you're on my side, Rachel."

Rachel smiled. "It's a shame we haven't spent more time together. We've wasted our time hating each other. I was so jealous of you it was easier to hate you than try befriending you."

Santana agreed wholeheartedly. "Well, I'd probably have been cruel to you if you had. You can be really irritating, dwarf."

Rachel's smile became worryingly watery. "I'm going to miss you."

Santana swallowed against the lump forming in her throat. She hated thinking about leaving everyone behind after graduation. "Hey, we've still got time before graduation. Besides, Sherlock, we've got a mystery to solve!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Blaine will be back soon!


	12. Let It Be Known

Santana groaned as her alarm clock trilled shrilly in her ear. There was no good reason to be up this early on a Saturday. She was tempted to stand Sebastian up rather than meet him but she couldn't bring herself to make the phone call. Besides, the news she had for him was important, if not certain. He deserved to know the truth. Even if it turned out to be nothing.

She tugged her dress over her hips, giving herself a cursory glance in the mirror. She looked good, always did. She walked over to her closet, perusing her jacket collection before sighing. None of them felt as good on her as Sebastian's did. She reluctantly pulled the jacket on, inhaling the faint smell of Sebastian's cologne that still clung to it. She smoothed the dark blue fabric down, admiring her reflection once more before climbing into her boots. She was a knockout. Just like she had to be if this meeting was going to go her way. She knew what she wanted, she only hoped he wanted it too.

***x***

Half an hour later she was sat across from Sebastian, holding her coffee tightly – she had tried to pretend that Sebastian remembering her coffee order didn't make her feel warm inside. He was looking through the file Rachel had put together – 'alphabetical, then color coded!' – keeping her eyes trained on his intense gaze.

"Rachel's pretty thorough, huh?"

Santana nodded. "Yeah, I think it's something about being  _the most talented person in the world_  or whatever. Everything has to be perfect. For once, I'm sort of grateful."

Sebastian nodded. "Have you read this?"

Santana shook her head. "Only in parts, I kind of got bored listening to her going on about it after a while," she admitted guiltily. "Why?"

Sebastian slid the file across to her, tapping a page with his index figure. "She's narrowed her suspect field down. What do you think?"

Santana blinked, grabbing the file and pulling it closer. "She has us down as suspects?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Makes sense, when you think about it. Creates drama and clearly worked in getting most of your friends back on side. Look at the others."

"Can't believe she put me as number one." Santana continued to look down the list, complete with pictures and profiles of each of them. "She might be onto something, actually, Sebastian."

He nodded, taking the file off her. "I thought the same. Who caught your eye?"

Santana frowned, unsure of whether to share her concerns with him. "Puck," she admitted eventually. "It's just something he said, just before the picture came in. He was trying to get me to sleep with him again."

Sebastian growled lowly.

"I said no, obviously, but he got upset. He seemed frustrated with me not wanting to get back with him. He made a comment about your sexuality and my cheating. Now that I think about it, he was the only one who didn't look surprised when I ran out of Breadstix in tears. Still, where would he have gotten the picture?"

Sebastian shook his head. "That's what we need to find out."  
Santana nodded, opening her mouth to speak before pausing, embarrassed. "Seb?"

He looked up at her, his pale eyes meeting her darker ones with an almost frightening intensity. "Yeah?"

"My parents are out of town for the weekend, I have the house to myself. I was wondering if you wanted to come over mine."

He blinked, it seemed her had not been expecting her offer. That was somehow comforting. "I thought you wanted space?"

Santana nodded, she couldn't exactly deny it. She'd demanded it on several occasions both face to face and over text. "I know. I miss you, though. It's been so long." She ran foot up his leg in a gesture that used to make the guys at her school turn to jelly. Sebastian however, was watching her almost unblinkingly.  
"Are you sure? I don't want to do this if you're just going to regret it and go back to wanting space afterwards. I've missed you so much, Santana."

She reached across the table, grabbing his hand. "I'm sure, Sebastian. I love you."

***x***

Santana lay sprawled across Sebastian, stroking his arm hair absent-mindedly as he hummed  _Smooth Criminal_ against her hair _._  "I've missed you so much," she whispered.

She could feel his smile against her hair as he stopped humming. "Me or the sex?"

Santana laughed, unable to resist his charm. "You're not  _that_  good, Smythe." She wriggled her pinkie finger in the air. Giggling as he tugged on her hair in retaliation.

"You're going to regret that, Lopez," he laughed, rolling them over so he was hovering above her. "Apologise."

She shook her head, trying to pull herself free as he pinned her arms above her head. "Nope."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes, leaning forward until their noses were touching. "Say you're sorry, Santana."

She grinned, blinking innocently up at him. "I didn't do anything," she said stubbornly, wriggling beneath him. He groaned.

"Oh no you don't," he muttered, pulling her legs together with his knees. "You're not going to distract me."

She raised her eyebrows at his surety. "You sure?"

He nodded, eyes widening as she surged upwards, catching his lips with hers, pulling his lower lips between her teeth and biting down gently. "Fine," he moaned, releasing her legs. "You win."  
She grinned against his lips. "Seb, there's something important I need to tell you."  
He nodded, pressing kisses against her jaw. "Tell me."  
"Sebastian, that's distracting," she gasped as he kissed her collarbone. "Can you listen to me? Keep your hormones in check, just for a minute?"

"Are you about to tell me you're a lesbian? Because I'm pretty sure we've been there, done that, at this point. Besides, it wouldn't exactly surprise me that you couldn't handle me."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Can you be serious? Just for a second?"

"Sorry, I'm just so happy we're back together- " He froze, stumbling over his words as he tried to correct himself. "Not that I'm saying we're back together, I don't think that."

"I almost miss you being an ass," Santana sighed, pressing her fingers to his lips, shutting him up quite effectively. "Besides, I agree, of course we're back together. I don't just sleep with people I'm not dating."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

" _Anymore_."

"What's wrong then?" Sebastian asked, suddenly serious as he leant back on his elbow, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "You know you can tell me absolutely anything."

Santana sucked in a breath. She steeled herself for his reaction. No taking it back once she'd said it. "Sebastian, I think I'm pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while...I'm a terrible person!


	13. Latching Onto You

Sebastian stared blankly at her for several minutes. In fact, by the time he spoke, the whole thing had begun to get a little unnerving.

"Pregnant?" He gasped out eventually, his mouth falling open in what Santana couldn't help but notice was a perfect likeness of the goldfish she'd had when she was about ten years old. "Is it mine?"

Santana folded her arms across her bare chest. "Sebastian."

He shrugged. "Valid question, given your track record, San."

Her eyebrow quirked. "Fine. Yes, it's yours Sebastian. The only other person I've been with has been Brittany, and I'm sure you don't need a biology lesson to understand why I'm sure it's not hers."

He stared at her flat stomach. "You're sure?"

"Not one hundred percent, I mean, I wouldn't bet my life on it. But I've missed two periods."

"I had been wondering."

"Excuse me?"

"Given the nature of our relationship, at least a few months ago, it's a fair thing to notice."

She nodded. "Alright. Sebastian, can you stop avoiding the subject?"

"I'm sorry, it's a lot to take in. What are you planning on doing about it?"

Santana sighed deeply. "I don't know. I really don't know, Seb. I thought I'd never have kids. I laughed at Quinn when she let Puck knock her up. Now I'm no better. That's a terrible thought."

"Do you want -?"

"An abortion? No. I want to keep it." She looked at him with watery eyes. "I only have a couple of months before graduation. I'm hoping I won't show too much before then. I'll just take a gap year or something. No one has to know, right?"

He wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Hey. I love you, and I'm going to support you. Whatever you decide. Santana, it's your body. You're sharing it with our baby," he trailed off. "Our baby." He repeated.

"Seb, I'm sorry…"

Sebastian shook his head. "I thought I'd never be a dad, I didn't think I wanted to be. I mean, I thought I was  _gay_ , I wanted to be a bachelor, play the field. Being a dad was never on the agenda. If I have to do this with someone, I'm glad it's with you."

"See, the fact that you just used the word 'have' makes me very glad I'm kidding. I wouldn't want to be bringing a child into the world with someone who felt they  _had_  to." She raised her eyebrows.

Sebastian blinked. "That is a cruel joke, Santana. What if I'd been excited? What if I'd demanded you get an abortion? Huh?"

"Then I'd been aborting our relationship. As if I'd let you have any say over what I should do with my body."

Sebastian grinned. "You're lucky I love you, Lopez."

Santana nodded in agreement, pressing a kiss to his temple before nestling against his chest. "I've really missed this," she admitted quietly, a blush forming on her cheek. She'd never been all that great at admitting to her emotional weaknesses. Maybe the Warblers were right, maybe they really did bring out the best in each other. If so, then why did someone want to break them up so desperately?

It made no sense.

"I've missed you too." Sebastian yawned, stretching his arms out and jostling her from her comfortable position before catching her and repositioning her. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. Busy day. Go ahead."

"I can stay up if you're not tired."

"Seb, it's almost three am. Don't be an idiot, go to sleep."

He was snoring softly before she had even finished her sentence.

A couple of hours later, Santana woke with a start. Sebastian was whimpering in his sleep, his eyebrows drawn together tightly.

Santana frowned. She wasn't sure if she should wake him or let him calm down for himself. Instead, she pulled in close, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso and pressing gentle kisses into his wild hair. "Hey, shhhhh."

His cries quietened, easing off as he relaxed into her arms. She jumped when his pale eyes opened, darting around the room in a panic before meeting hers, relief replacing the anguish that had been there before. "Santana?"

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I promise." She smoothed his sweat soaked hair, pushing it off his forehead.

"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to see me like this." His voice was thick, whether from sleep or from the tears, Santana couldn't tell.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

"I'm not trying to force you or anything, Sebastian. But, this is the second time, I've found you in tears because of a nightmare. Please, let me help." She took his hand in hers, stroking the back of it with her thumb. "C'mon, Seb. Talk to me."

He sighed, sitting upright, pulling his hand from hers. "Fine. It's embarrassing, really."

Santana shook her head. She wasn't about to judge him for anything. "Go on."

"Alright." Sebastian toyed with the sheet, pulling at its frayed edges. "I've had this recurring nightmare, since I can remember. It's stupid, really. There's absolutely no reason for it. I had a good childhood, loving parents, not many friends but some good ones. It was great, no reason to have recurring nightmares about being abandoned. I'm always lying in bed when my father wakes me, yells that I'm a disappointment and that he's getting rid of me for everyone's benefit. My mom just stands there, doesn't object. Doesn't say anything."

Santana nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"So he drags me from bed. I'm pleading and begging as he drags me to the car. We drive for hours. Always at night down abandoned old roads, through tiny villages. Eventually he stops, kicks me out the car and drives off. Only, tonight, it wasn't me. My dad barged in here, dragged us both out to the car. All the time cursing, swearing, yelling that he was sick of me, sick of having a gay son, then having to deal with us. It was awful, Santana. He just let you in some dark field, told me I'd never see you again and drove away as if it was nothing. My dad's a great guy, you know. He'd never do anything like that.  _Ever_."

Santana let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. "Sebastian. I'm not going anywhere, I mean it. I'm in this for the long haul. You're not getting rid of me that easily. I  _love_  you. Some idiot trying to break us up isn't going to have any luck. Really."

**xXxXx**

A few hours later, Sebastian had gone home, promising to come round again later. Leaving Santana to her own devices for a while. She typed out a few essays, sent off a final college application and text both Blaine and Rachel to let them know how things were going with Sebastian. It would keep them off her back until Monday morning, at least.

She walked over to her bathroom, checking her watch. She had about half an hour until Sebastian had said he'd be back. Just enough time to freshen up. She changed into her bath robe, allowing the bath to run. Something in the bin caught her eye.

Sebastian's words from the previous night pushed their way to the forefront of her mind again.

_If I have to do this with someone, I'm glad it's with you._

She could feel her eyes watering as she looked at the pregnancy test. The two faint pink lines made her stomach lurch. Her entire future already mapped out for her by a stupid pink line. She threw it against the wall.

Santana had meant it when she told Sebastian she wasn't going anywhere. She only hoped he felt the same.

**xXxXx**


	14. Acts of Mindlessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\ No actual violence but a bowl is thrown during an argument. If this is triggering for you, please be aware that the end of this chapter may be difficult for you to read /!\

Santana laughed as Sebastian stirred the pasta. "You told me you were an excellent chef, Smythe. I'm not sure being able to cook macaroni counts."

He scowled. "It's hardly my fault that you have nothing in your cupboards. I'm doing my best."

She folded her arms. "But you promised me an amazing meal. Not mac and cheese. How am I supposed to be able to tell if you're husband material from macaroni cheese?"

They both froze as Santana's words were processed.

"I mean – not that I'm already planning marriage. I'm not. It was a joke. I'm sorry." The words came out in a jumbled heap as her face burned.

Sebastian laughed, letting go of the spoon he'd been using to stir the pasta to pull her into a hug. "Don't be an idiot, its fine. Although, maybe I should be worried; babies and marriage within twenty four hours. Are you sure you're not trying to drop a hint, Lopez?"

Santana bowed her head, embarrassed, head-butting his chest in the process. She cringed as she looked up at him.

"It's all moving too fast, I can't deal with this pressure!" Sebastian pressed a hand to his heart, putting on his best dramatic face.

She shoved him away. "Stop it. You'll burn the macaroni."

**xXxXxXx**

"Okay, I have to admit, you're not a bad cook. This macaroni is pretty great."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean I'm husband material?"

"How long are you going to hold onto that?" Santana questioned, flicking her dark hair over her shoulder.

"Depends, I suppose."

"On what, Smythe?"

He grinned. "On how it affects my chances of being allowed to stay the night."

She tapped her chin with her index finger, feigning deep thought. "Well, put it this way," she decided finally. "If you bring it up one more time, you  _will_ be sleeping on the doorstep."

Sebastian nodded, as if weighing up his options. "I'm guessing you wouldn't give me a blanket?"

Santana shook her head, biting back a grin. "No blanket, no light. No  _me_."

Sebastian stood, pushing his chair under the table before reaching for her plate. "Fine, I won't bring it up again. Any other conditions to my staying the night?"

She allowed herself to grin. "I get to choose what we watch tonight. No complaining."

He nodded in agreement. "Condition accepted. Go put something on, I'll do the washing up."

Santana shook her head. "You cooked, it's only fair that I do the washing up. Besides, you're the guest. My mom would be horrified if she thought I'd allowed a guest to do any work."

He ignored her, walking off to the kitchen without another word, just a cheeky smile. Santana sighed, too tired to put up a fight.

She stood in the living room, perusing her parent's DVD collection, unsure of what to put on. She wasn't in the mood for a rom com, but she didn't fancy a horror movie either. Or anything with more than five minutes worth of action. Disney was what she had always gone for in the past, but it had sort of been her 'thing' with Brittany. Even after so many months, it felt wrong to share something so  _Brittany_  with Sebastian.

"Hey!"

Sebastian grabbed her from behind, eliciting an embarrassingly girlish scream from her. She'd always hated to be startled. Probably because of her father accidentally pushing her in the pool whilst trying to surprise her when she was five.

"Well that was as girly as I've ever heard you sound," Sebastian whispered in her ear, lips tickling the soft skin of her ear lobe. "It was  _cute._ "

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not cute. I'm  _sexy_ ," she objected, shoving him off.

He nodded in agreement with a quick wink. "What are we watching then,  _Sexy_?"

Santana pouted. "I can't decide!" She groaned, throwing her head back dramatically and flopping onto the couch.

Sebastian laughed, the action making him look younger and more carefree than Santana had seen him in weeks. "But that was part of our agreement! If you don't choose the film then I can't stay the night!" He put his hand to his mouth in mock anguish.

"I take back that part of our arrangement, you can choose the movie, but, you have to give me a massage."

"Foot or back?"

Santana wrinkled her nose. "My feet are too ticklish for that. Definitely back."

"Deal. We're watching The Notebook!"

She raised an eyebrow as he put the DVD in the player. "Are you serious? Call yourself a guy…"

He turned to look at her. "Santana, I am, like, eighty percent gay. Remember?"

"Vividly."

**xXxXxXx**

A couple of hours later, Santana stretched out, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I hate this film," she mumbled with a sniff as Sebastian shifted beneath her.

"Me too. Hey, can you lift up a second, I need to use your bathroom."

Santana sat upright, allowing Sebastian to get up. "You know where it is."

He nodded, heading off in the direction of her bedroom and the adjoining en suite. She stood up, going to the kitchen to find more snacks for their second film of the night.

Her parents had left some bags of potato chips in the cupboard under the sink and a few family-sized bags of salted popcorn. She grinned. They knew her so well.

"Santana!"

She flinched, dropping a handful of popcorn on the floor. She dropped down, picking them up before realising that Sebastian was standing opposite her.

"What is this?" He whispered.

Santana blanched as she realised what he was holding. It was the positive pregnancy test she'd thrown at the wall earlier that day. In her emotional temper she had forgotten to pick it up.  _Idiot._

" _Santana_. What is this?"

"I think you know what it is," she whispered, kneading her hands together. This is not how she'd wanted him to find out.

"You said it was a joke. Santana, you told me you were joking!"

She flinched as his voice grew louder.

"Would you say something, please?" That steady, quiet tone was back. Santana preferred the shouting.

She shook her head. "What exactly do you want me to say, Sebastian?"

"I want you to explain why you would lie to me about this. Did you think I wouldn't find out? That I'm such an idiot I wasn't going to notice you're  _pregnant?_ No really, Santana, what was your plan?Wear baggy clothes? Tell me you'd put on a load of weight in your stomach?"

"I panicked. You seemed like you were being forced into something you didn't want to do. I couldn't do that to you. I wanted some time to think about my options!"

"Santana, this is  _our_ baby. I didn't think of how I was phrasing things last night, it was insensitive of me but it doesn't make your actions acceptable. You tell me you're pregnant. Which you are. Then you tell me you're joking. What am I supposed to think? Santana, what were  _you_  thinking?!"

"Get out!"

"How can you possibly be acting like you're acting like you're the wronged party here?"

"I said get out of my house, Sebastian!" Santana yelled, throwing the bowl of popcorn before she could think better of it. It smashed on the floor barely a metre in front of her. Sebastian simply turned on his heel.

"Text me when you're ready to talk about this like an adult. Until then, don't talk to me. I'm serious." With that he stormed out of the kitchen without another word, slamming the front door behind him. Santana dropped to the floor. She'd been an idiot and she knew it. She'd just never been all that great at admitting when she was wrong. Now it may very well have cost her the man she loved.

"Shit," she whispered as she began the task of picking up the spilled popcorn and smashed china.


	15. Like I'm Breaking

Santana was sprawled out on Blaine's bed, a growing pile of empty tissue boxes surrounding her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asked tentatively, dodging a piece of tissue as she threw it in what she vaguely remembered to be the direction of Blaine's waste paper basket.

Santana shook her head. "I really don't. I'm an idiot." She sighed, sitting up right with some effort. "I'm pretty sure I just single handedly ruined my relationship with Sebastian. So now I've doomed myself to be a single teen mom."

Blaine blinked at her. "I don't think I heard that right. A single teen mom?"

 _Shit_. "Oh yeah, I'm also an idiot who got herself knocked up."

He sighed, allowing himself to flop heavily onto the bed beside her. "Not going to beat about the bush; you're an idiot. Let me finished!" He added, as Santana moved to interrupt him, her mouth shutting with a loud clack.

"You're an idiot, yeah. Not for the pregnancy thing, although that's going to be fun to explain to parents who have just come to terms with the fact that their daughter is a lesbian."

Santana rolled her eyes. "If you have a point, Blaine, please hurry up and get to it. I'm about five seconds from throwing this tissue box at your head."

"Right, sorry. You might have done something stupid, really stupid judging from the state you're in. That doesn't mean you're going to lose Sebastian. You love him and I'm pretty sure he loves you too. You need to talk to him. Without getting all Snixx about it."

She nodded. "That would be good advice, were it not for the fact I threw a bowl of popcorn at his head. I missed!" She added defensively when she noticed his horrified expression.

"I still think you should talk to him. In public. Where there are witnesses to stop you doing anything potentially illegal. Like putting someone in hospital with a bowl of popcorn. You don't want to be giving birth in prison."

Santana shook her head, tearing at the piece of tissue she had in her hand. "My cousin, Sofia, went to jail a couple of years ago, nothing serious, just unpaid parking tickets. She gave birth in jail. Said it was awful. She only just got the poor kid back."

Blaine nodded, his expression carefully blank. "So, you're going to talk to Sebastian?"

Santana sighed, meeting his eyes for the first time since she'd arrived. His mom had been quite alarmed to find a sobbing girl on her doorstep demanding to see Blaine. He probably had a lot of explaining to do when she left.

"I could set up a meeting, tell him what I know about the whole picture incident."

Santana narrowed her eyes. This couldn't be happening. The one person she had trusted the most with everything going on in her life with Sebastian and he was now telling her that he had information about the picture incident. Had he ever been planning on telling her? "Blaine, what are you saying?"

"Don't look at me like that. It wasn't me. I wouldn't do that to you, either of you. I was just as surprised as you were. I just think I might know who's behind it. I say might, I'm about ninety percent sure I helped make the whole thing possible without even realising it."

Santana stood, pacing as she tried to process what he was saying. He'd kept this from her. He'd promised he'd known nothing. Now here he was admitting that he probably knew who was behind it. That he'd made the whole thing possible. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wasn't sure, I didn't want to accuse anyone without being certain I was right."

She picked up the tissue box, tapping the corners with her index fingers. "I can't believe I trusted you. I told you everything. I was honest with you, I forgave you when you didn't have my back in glee and this is how you repay me? I knew you were still upset about your eye and I get that, I'd have been out for blood too, but I can't believe you would use me."

"I didn't!" Blaine protested, his tone both hurt and defensive. "I wouldn't!"

"But you did, without even realising it! Do you know how much this has hurt me?"

"Would you let me explain? Please, Santana."

She nodded, sitting in the corner, as far from him as she could manage. "Explain."

"A few weeks before regionals, Puck came up to me. He was asking questions about the warblers, about Sebastian. I accidentally let slip that Trent had told me that Thad has a bit of a crush on Sebastian."

"What does that have to do with anything? Really though, Thad?"

Blaine shrugged. "Apparently. Anyway, Puck asked me if Thad was upset that Sebastian was with you. I laughed at that, obviously the poor guy's going to be upset if the guy he's got the hots for is suddenly not only in a relationship but in a relationship with a  _girl_. Puck seemed really interested after that, came with me to visit the guys over at Dalton. I didn't question it, I probably should have but I'd rather have Puck on side."

Santana nodded. "So you think he convinced Thad to help him sabotage our relationship. Do you think Thad would have agreed?"

"Thad can be quite intense when he likes someone. He was really over the top when he liked me. He wasn't Kurt's biggest fan, used to tell me that my covers were better than the originals. That sort of thing. It was a bit much, I didn't realise at the time; I just thought it was flattering. He got over it pretty quickly, he was really upset when Kurt left Dalton. Then again, Puck can be pretty persuasive."

"You're telling me."

"I'm going to text Sebastian, ask him to meet up with me to discuss this. You can come if you want."

Santana nodded. "Are you going to warn him that I'll be there?"

Blaine chewed on his lower lip. "I think it might ruin our chances of getting him to show up."

"I just don't want him to think that I'm trying to ambush him."

Blaine smiled sadly at her. "Don't worry, I'll tell him it was my fault, that I didn't know that you two were arguing so I invited you both. He can't get upset with you for that, can he?"

Santana nodded, still not altogether that thrilled with Blaine's plan. She knew that Sebastian was going to be pissed with her. Still, she needed to see him. She wanted to apologise, she'd been a bitch and she wanted to make things right, no matter what. She owed that to them both.

**xXxXxXx**

Sebastian was sat in the Lima Bean, reviewing his European history assignment. He hadn't been able to focus on anything since his fight with Santana and it was pretty obvious when he was reading his work back that his mind had been on anything but European history.

"Sebastian!"

He looked up, pushing away his notebook as Blaine came and sat down opposite. "Hey, Blaine." Sebastian felt all the wind leave his lungs as he realised who Blaine had brought with him. "Santana. What are you doing here?"

"Blaine invited me."

Blaine looked between them, eyebrow raised. "I didn't think you'd mind. Apparently, from the way you two are looking at each other, I was wrong. Is everything alright here?"

Sebastian looked at Santana, her dark eyes pleading, before turning his attention back to Blaine, forcing a smile. "Absolutely. Want me to get you anything to drink?"

Santana shrugged her jacket off, sitting awkwardly next to Blaine. "You know my order," she whispered, her voice barely audible as she looked down at her lap.

He nodded curtly, turning his attention to Blaine who smiled gratefully. "Medium drip." He held some cash which Sebastian immediately turned down.

"I should've remembered that. Hey, don't bother, it's on me."

"Let me help you carry them back," Santana offered, apparently feeling more confident.

"It's three drinks, Santana, I'm sure I can manage." He regretted his harsh tone as soon as the words were out.

She nodded, smiling quickly in Blaine's direction. "Right, of course. Thanks."

As he stood in line for the drinks, Sebastian found himself listening in to the conversation at the table. He only caught snippets but it was enough to tell him what he'd already suspected. Blaine knew. He knew everything that gone on between them. He paid the cashier for the drinks, telling her to keep the change before going back to the table.

"Here you go," He slid the drinks across the table, holding his own tightly between his hands. "So, why'd you bring me all the way down here?"

Santana looked to Blaine before nodding. "Tell him."

Blaine sighed. "I think I might've been involved in the whole photo fiasco. Tangentially. I didn't even realise until the night before last."

Sebastian raised his eyebrow, taking a swig of his coffee. Flinching as he realised he hadn't given it long enough to cool. "You  _might_  have been involved?"

"There's about a ninety percent chance."

Sebastian breathed out, allowing himself a quick glance in Santana's direction. "We trusted you. Why would you be involved in trying to break us up?"

Blaine's eyes widened. "I didn't know I was. I've been thinking back on a conversation I had with Puck a couple of weeks before it all happened. He seemed very interested in Thad's crush on you."

Sebastian could feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks as he realised Santana was watching him. "I didn't encourage it," he muttered, realising what Santana was silently accusing him of. "It was innocent enough. Are you saying you think Thad was involved?"

"I think he might've helped Puck without realising. I know I did. Puck can be very persuasive when he wants to be. All Thad needs to have done is send the picture in Puck's direction. He needn't even have realised it was a big deal."

Sebastian nodded. "If they were talking about parties or something-"

"Thad might've brought up the graduation party for Wes and the prank kiss," Blaine finished. "Puck need only have asked for proof and Thad would've just sent the picture. He's always hated being accused of lying."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "Why would Puck go to all that trouble?"

"I told you, he was trying to get me back in his bed."

Blaine frowned, look at Sebastian. "He's not clever enough to think of this by himself. It feels too personal anyway. The idea of Sebastian cheating on you. It's almost like they were trying to give you a taste of your own medicine." He turned to Santana who was looking almost green.

Santana gasped. "I think I'm going to be sick." She stood up rushing to the bathrooms.

Sebastian half stood to go after her. "I don't understand."

Blaine smiled. "That's just morning sickness. Don't worry about that. I was saying. I think someone wanted Santana to know what it felt like to be betrayed by someone she loved. To know what it's like to be cheated on."

Sebastian nodded. "You think it was Brittany?"

"No, I think it was someone who cares about Brittany and was mad with Santana when she wouldn't be."

Sebastian stared blankly confused.

"He means Artie."

Santana sat down next to Blaine, taking a long drink of her coffee. "Artie's been in love with Brittany for ages. I should've known. He'd do anything to make up for the time he called her stupid. This would have been the perfect opportunity. It wouldn't be the first time he's worked with Puck to do something stupid."

Blaine nodded, clearly remembering the punch bowl incident from the prom the year before. "What do you think, Sebastian?"

He frowned. "I think you might be onto something."

Blaine pulled his coat on. "I think I should go have a word with Artie and Puck. I'll leave you two to talk."

Santana opened her mouth to object.

"He's right," Sebastian cut in. "We really do need to talk, not just about this." He looked at her pointedly.

**xXxXxXx**


	16. You're Going to Be Upset

Santana was chewing her bottom lip, flinching when she felt her teeth break the skin. She lifted her hand to the spot, mentally cursing herself as she saw the blood on her fingertips.

"Please say something," she muttered, unwilling to meet Sebastian's eyes. She glared at her hands as folded and unfolded them in her lap.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I just want you to speak to me. I hate fighting with you."

Sebastian frowned. "Could've fooled me."

"I was an idiot, I panicked and I overreacted. Sebastian, I never wanted to hurt you. That's the last thing I ever want to do you. You mean so much to me."

"I love you, I really do." He met her watery gaze. "More than you know, I just don't know if I can keep doing this. Our entire relationship is fighting and making up, lies and secrets. It's exhausting, Santana. It shouldn't be like this."

"Please don't. You don't mean it, Sebastian, please."

He closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head. "If I said everything was forgiven I'd just be doing it for the sake of our baby. I'd end up resenting you and you'd know I didn't mean it. Santana, I really think this is the end. You can't have relationship without trust and it's pretty clear at this point that we don't trust each other."

The tears that had been building up overwhelmed her eyes, falling down her cheeks in thick cascades. "Please."

He reached across the table, pulling her hand into his own. "I love you, I love you so much and I'm going to be there for you and our baby. I just can't be your boyfriend. Not right now. You understand, right?"

Santana could feel herself shaking. It felt like the onset of a panic attack. She couldn't breathe. Her lips ghosted words that she couldn't form. A silent beg as she felt Sebastian slipping away from her. Permanently this time. "One more chance. One last chance, I'm begging, Sebastian. Please. Please don't do this."

He shook his head, eyes closing tightly again. "Santana, don't make this harder."

"If it's so hard don't do it. Can't you see what this is doing to me? How much I love you. I left Brittany so we could be together, I  _broke_ her heart. I want to be with you, Sebastian. Just  _you_. There's no one else. You can't do this to me."

His young face looked suddenly old beyond his years and so tired. "This isn't healthy, our entire relationship started based on a lie. It's thrived on deception and arguments. I think we need to take some time, grow up and see if fate brings us back together. I'm prepared to work with you and Blaine, oh and Rachel, to get to the bottom of the whole photo fiasco, after that," he took a deep breath, squeezing her hand tighter with what seemed to be an unconscious desperation, almost as if his body was rejecting his words and trying to fight back. "We go our separate ways. For a while at least. Just to figure out what we want. Who we want. And who we want to be. I'm committed to supporting you and our baby, I just can't be your boyfriend right now."

Santana nodded, feeling the steel walls she'd built up beginning to make a box around her heart. If he was going to do this to her, he was going to have to accept the consequences. "Here are my conditions. You get to visit the baby on my terms, we tell our parents when I'm ready. You don't get to make decisions during this pregnancy, about anything. From now on you're just the guy who knocked me up. For all my parents are going to know you were a drunken one night stand gone wrong."

Santana was taken aback by her own harsh words. Part of her was desperate to throw herself into Sebastian's arms and cause enough of a scene that he would give up and agree to take her back. A bigger part of her wanted to hurt Sebastian the way he had hurt her. As always, Santana allowed the Snixx side to take control whilst she tried to fight off her emotions. She would be stronger than Sebastian. "You will have to visit on their birthday and Christmas. Other holidays are up to you. I get to decide when we tell them the truth."

"This doesn't seem like a fair arrangement, Santana."

She shook her head. "That's because it's not. For either of us."

"Do I get a say in the name?"

Santana narrowed her eyes. "No. If it's a girl, her name is Annie. If it's a boy; Michael. Smooth criminal is always going to be important to me. This baby is part of us and Smooth Criminal will always be our song. You don't get to change that."

She left the Lima Bean without another look in Sebastian's direction.

**xXxXxXx**

Santana hadn't left her room for almost three days. She'd begged her mom to let her take time off school. She couldn't bear the idea of facing everyone in glee; especially Puck and Artie. It would take all of her non-existent self-control to keep from clawing their faces off.

There was a sharp tap at her door.

"Go away!"

"Santana, you do not speak to me like that and you know it. You're not two years old anymore. Let me in."

Santana did as she was told, not wanting another argument. "Come in, Mom."

Her mom did so, sitting on the edge of the bed as Santana climbed back under the duvet. "What's wrong, _mi pequeña niña_?"

Santana shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, Mom." Even as she said it she knew her mother didn't believe her. She'd never found it easy to lie to her parents. Even her dad, though not the most observant, usually due to taking on the night shift, could usually see through her lies.

Her mom raised an eyebrow. "Santana. I'm your mother, I know when something's on your mind. I haven't seen you this upset since you came out."

Santana flinched. "I screwed up, Mamá. I'm so sorry."

"What have you done?"

"I'm pregnant. I'm so sorry, Mamá."

"Excuse me? Santana, is this a joke?"

She shook her head. "I thought this guy loved me. I was an idiot."

"Have you told Brittany?"

Santana sighed. "We're not together any more, Mom. We broke up. She's with Artie now. I was dating the guy who knocked me up but he dumped me. He just dumped me as if I was nothing to him."

"Santana, what are you going to do?"

Santana could feel the tears welling in her eyes again. She suddenly felt terrible for the way she had treated Quinn when she'd found out about her and Puck. "I'm keeping it. I'm going to graduate, have this baby and follow my dreams. It's just a hiccup, a lifelong hiccup, but I'm not going to let this ruin what I'd planned. What we'd planned for me."

"Oh, Baby. This is a big decision. Are you sure. I want to support you, but are you sure you're ready to take on such a big responsibility?"

"No."

**xXxXxXx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a playlist to listen to whilst reading this fic:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtWXDp86V2u9TO7q1aVuguZp6w36Ec4C_


	17. A Moment When You Finally Realise

Santana sat uncomfortably next to Kurt in the choir room, he had been staring at her since that morning and it was beginning to grate on her something rotten. "Are you going to tell me why you haven't stopped staring at me all day or am I going to have to assume you've started batting for the other team, Hummel?"

He rolled his eyes in a way only Kurt could manage, adding a click of his tongue for added emphasis. "I haven't been staring, just observing. There is a difference."

"Do enlighten me, Lady Lips."

He scowled at her before rolling his eyes again. "You've been out of school for three days, Santana. That's not a good sign in my experience, can't I be concerned for a friend? Besides, Sebastian's started texting Blaine again. Do you realize you just flinched when I said his name?"

It was Santana's turn to scowl. "I'm fine. Stomach bug or something, or so my dad says. Sebastian can text who he likes, it's not my business anymore as I'm sure Blaine's told you."

Kurt patted her arm awkwardly before smiling brightly as Blaine sat down beside him.

"Are you ready for Operation Seahorse?"

Santana groaned. " _Seahorse_?"

"Well no one's going to be able to figure out what we're doing and that's the point of code names, Santana." Santana sighed as Rachel sat next to her, smiling far too widely for anyone's liking.

"Why did we even need a code name?" Santana asked, having been curious since Blaine had announced he was going to figure out a code name for their task.

"Sebastian suggested it and I thought it was a good idea."

"Since when do you listen to Sebastian?" Kurt demanded, his voice raising an octave and he grew irritated.

Blaine blushed, ducking his dark head. "I don't-"

Before he could defend himself further, Mr Schue entered the room, effectively ending their conversation.

An hour later, and Santana was left by herself as the other four filled out of the choir room following the end of the meeting, Blaine gave her a discreet thumbs up as she approached Puck.

"Puckerman!"

He turned, blinking at her in surprise. "Santana. I knew you'd come round eventually, Finn owes me twenty bucks."

She ignored the bile rising in her throat as she tried to keep her tone casual and flirtatious. "You were right, you were the best sex I ever had. Seriously, Sebastian was terrible in the sack; probably something to do with being gay, or whatever. I don't know - not that it even matters now. He abandoned me, Puck, and you know what I'm like. I need a warm body underneath mine." She trailed her fingers up his chest, trying to remember the little things he had enjoyed before. She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "If you're up for it-"

"Here?"

She pulled back, trying to mask the disgusted expression on her face. "No! I was hoping you'd be a gent and offer a motel room." She tried not to think of Sebastian as her mind threatened to conjure images of the dodgy motel rooms Sebastian had rented for their liaisons.

Puck nodded, his lips curling into what Santana assumed he thought was a sexy smirk. In reality the expression just made him look constipated. "Deal."

"Pick me up tonight, six o'clock?" She grinned as he agreed. "You might want to sort that out," she muttered, glancing down at his crotch. "I don't think Coach Beiste wants to see that much of you at football practice."

She left quickly, tugging her phone from her pocket. She pulled up the group chat Blaine had set up the night before.

_Step one complete. Your move B!_

She hit send before hurrying to her home economics class. She smiled at Brittany as she took her seat. Not bothering to apologize to their teacher - she never bothered trying to complain when Santana was late these days.

**XxXXxX**

Sebastian and Blaine were sat in Sebastian's car, just opposite the motel. Despite Kurt's protests, Blaine had volunteered to sit with Sebastian stating that he was the only one who wouldn't try to murder Sebastian while they waited and Rachel would be the only one who could keep Kurt under control while they were sitting in the Motel room next to the one Puck had paid to use with Santana.

"Are you sure she'll be alright alone in there with him?"

Blaine turned, an eyebrow raised. "Santana's a big girl, she can take care of herself. I'm pretty sure she'd castrate Puck without a second thought if he tried anything."

Sebastian nodded. "I know. I can't help but worry though."

Blaine smiled. "That's love, Sebastian."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm just worried about the baby. Santana means nothing to me. Now that I'm single..." He turned his attention to Blaine who scoffed.

Blaine shook his head, shuffling away. "Lie to yourself all you want, but lying to me isn't going to work. Now be quiet, I'm trying to figure out what's going on."

Sebastian groaned, turning his attention to the motel. Secretly, he was glad Santana hadn't taken Puck to the scene of one of their rendezvous, not that he'd ever tell her. He sighed. That sort of thought wasn't welcome. He'd done what he'd done and hurt them both for a reason. Their relationship just wasn't healthy and they needed to grow up separately to come back together and give a non-toxic relationship a chance.

"Hey, there they are."

Sebastian could hardly watch as Puck led Santana, wearing the tightest dress she owned, and his jacket, to one of the dodgy motel's rooms. He could feel his nails digging into his palms as his hands curled into fists. He knew Santana was acting but it didn't make it any easier to watch as she draped herself across another guy. Puck's hands were twisting in her long, dark hair.

"Are you okay?"

Sebastian felt a muscle in his jaw tighten as he tore his eyes away from the disgusting scene in front of him. "I'm fine," he managed through tightly clenched teeth. "I just can't believe she's letting him behave like that with her before they even get through the door."

"She knows you're watching. She might not even be aware of it herself but she probably wants to make you suffer for what you did to her."

"You know, she's not the only one suffering because of what I did-" he stopped himself. He wasn't going to give Blaine any ammunition to use against him, or worse, pass on to Kurt. "I'm just pissed off. Puckerman is an utter leech. Can't even wait to get through the door."

Blaine shrugged. "I've never known him be any different. That's just the way Puck is."

Sebastian groaned. "Well I don't like it."

"You don't have to, you just have to sit here quietly while I try and remember the plan."

The pair sat in silent for ten minutes, before noticing Kurt and Rachel leaving their motel room. That was the signal. Sebastian was out of the car faster than Blaine, sprinting over to the room without waiting for his companion.

"Right, let's do this." He pushed past Kurt who grumbled incoherently at his Marc Jacobs jacket being sullied by Sebastian's touch. Sebastian rolled his eyes, silently reminding himself that they were on the same side, just this once, and irritating Kurt wouldn't be worth the fuss.

"Ready?"

He glanced at Rachel, giving her a curt nod before walking towards the door, behind which Puckerman was doing God only knew what to Santana.

**XxXXxX**

Santana lay as still as she could whilst Puck felt her up, running slobbery kisses up and down her neck. She shuddered, hoping he would think it was just desire than revulsion.

She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. The others were waiting a long time to come to her rescue. She froze as she felt Puck's hand wander too far up her inner thigh. She sat up quickly, grabbing his hand. "Not yet, I'm not ready."

Puck narrowed his eyes before nodding. "You're out of practice, Lopez."

She shrugged. "Can't blame a girl for wanting to take things slowly after so long without  _good_ practice."

"I'll make it good for you, Baby." He continued with his ministrations, expertly unhooking her bra without bothering to go under her dress. "Can I take this off?"

Santana looked hurriedly at the door before nodding. "Why not, it's got to come off at some point. Not the panties though, not yet." She shuffled out of the dress as Puck pulled it over her head. She fought the urge to cover her chest with her arm and Puck stared at her – she was beginning to worry he'd actually lick his lips. She'd never felt so vulnerable.

As she looked at the clock again the door burst open. Puck hadn't bothered to lock the door? Charming.

She avoided looking at Sebastian as he barged in ahead of the others. Even so, she noticed him raise an eyebrow at her state of undress, not that she was overly bothered about it; the only people who could see her were Puck, who had seen her like this loads of times, Blaine and Kurt who hardly counted and Rachel who was pointedly looking the other way.

"Cover yourself up," Sebastian hissed, chucking the jacket she had discarded at her with barely a glance.

She considered ignoring him but gave in, mostly for the sake of Rachel who looked like she would strain her neck if she continued to respect Santana's modesty.

"What is this?"

Santana had almost forgotten that Puck was even there until he piped up, clearly irritated at having his hook-up interrupted.

"We know, Puckerman."

Puck didn't even blink, just shrugged nonchalantly. "That I'm in here with Santana? Congratulations, it's not exactly difficult to get Santana into a motel room."

Santana noticed Sebastian's breathing stop, he looked as if he was about to swing for Puck. She couldn't help but wonder if he really would. Or if the guy even knew how to give a good left hook. She doubted it somehow. "Thanks for that, Puckerman. What Sebastian meant, was we know it was you who sent the photo to Blaine."

"What photo?"

"The one of Sebastian kissing Wes. Remember, you were trying to break us up. Ring a bell?"

He sighed. "For one, I don't even have Blaine's number. Second of all, I'm not that desperate to get into Santana's pants. Been there, done that."

Sebastian looked to be about two seconds away from punching Puck in the gut. "We know it was you, Artie caved and told Santana."

For the first time Puck looked genuinely shocked. "How'd you get him to tell you?"

"Put it this way, I put the fear of God into him. That and promised that I would tell Brittany about all this. He didn't want to risk her breaking up with him. Now admit to it before I decide to rip off one of your nut sacks. I'll let you choose, I'm not a complete monster after all."

"Alright fine. Yeah, it was me. No, it wasn't to get in your pants. I'm not that desperate. Actually, it sort of was. Artie wanted revenge for Brittany and happened to come up with a stupid bet. We would break you and Sebastian up; that would be Artie's revenge sorted. Then I'd get you to sleep with me. It would've been the easiest fifty bucks I'd ever made."

Santana was disgusted by how nonchalant he was as he explained his plan.

"It's not like you can do anything about it. I have nothing to lose, you have no blackmail material. I have pretty tough skin."

"No, we don't. We can, however, make sure you're kicked off the football team and don't graduate. Don't think I won't do it, Puckerman."

"How do you plan to do that? You've got nothing."

"None of your concern."

Rachel stepped forward, edging gingerly around Sebastian who still looked ready to kill someone. "I think you owe them an apology, Noah."

Puck shook his head. "I don't owe anyone anything. You are the ones who just burst in here and are accusing me of crap you have no proof of."

Santana rolled her eyes. "C'mon. We're not getting anywhere with him." She moved to walk out the door, stopping only when Sebastian grabbed her by the arm.

Sebastian. "Don't."

Without a word the others left the room, dragging a protesting Puck with them.

"We'll give you guys a minute," Blaine muttered, tightening his grip on Puck who had begun to try and swivel his way from his grasp. "Puck, I'm going to give you one warning. I ran the Dalton Fight Club. Don't test me."

**xxXxXxx**


	18. I Don't Love You But I Always Will

Santana glared at Sebastian bitterly as she tugged her arm from his tight grasp. As she pulled free his eyes widened as he stared at her. "What do you think you're doing, Twink?"

"I need to talk to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Well I don't want to talk to you. So it looks like your shit out of luck, sorry." She pulled her discarded dress on before beginning to walk towards the door, sighing as he stepped into her path. "I threatened to remove Puck's nutsack, just because you're the father of my baby, don't think I won't do the same to you if you don't get out of my way."

"Not until you talk to me." He folded his arms across his chest obstinately. "I'd rather the left, if you're giving me the choice."

"Actually I wasn't. However, if it means that much to you, you have five minutes. So  _talk_."

He stared at her blankly.

She sighed. "Whatever. Talk, don't talk. I don't care. You're down to four minutes, by the way."

"I'm sorry," he blurted suddenly. "I stand by what I said. I do, I just didn't think of the consequences and how much I'd be hurting you."

Santana scoffed. "I don't want to hear it. And you're out of time, so get out of my way!"

He didn't move, instead staring at the bed as if it was about to sprout teeth and attack him. "I hated this," he whispered, looking at his feet.

"No one forced you to be here."

His head snapped up. "You expected me to sit at Dalton whilst you were here having God only knows what done to you?"

"Actually, yes that's exactly what I expected. What I do is no longer any of your concern, you saw to that, not me."

"I still care what happens to you. Besides, you're carrying my baby."

"Yeah, thanks for your concern and all that but I really must be going. My mom's cooking and she hates when I'm late." She pulled on the door handle, growling in irritation when Sebastian pushed it closed before she could escape. "Get out of my way," she spat through gritted teeth, trying to pull against the weight he was using to hold the door closed. "Just let me go, Sebastian. _Please_."

Something in his eyes shifted and he moved his weight from the door. "I still love you, Santana. I always will."

She met the green eyes staring into hers unblinkingly, swallowing thickly before steeling herself. "I don't love you anymore."

With that she rushed out the door, not bothering to look behind her to see Sebastian's face.

"Get me out of here," she begged Blaine who immediately nodded, knowing better than to ask questions.

He looked in the direction of the room she'd fled before wrapping a warm arm around her bare shoulders.

**xXxXx**

Sebastian threw his watch from his wrist, ignoring the smash as it hit his bedside table. He didn't care what he'd broken. It didn't even matter, all he had to do was ask his dad and he'd have a new one in an instant.

He glanced at the jacket he'd thrown on the bed - the one Santana had taken from him so many months ago and felt his anger boiling again. He grabbed it, half tempted to tear the arms off the wretched thing before deciding against it. He inhaled deeply, regretting it when the scent of Santana's perfume assaulted his nostrils, creating an unwelcome longing in his chest.

He balled the offending item, throwing it in the bottom of his closet without a second thought. He needed a drink and a guy.

The guy didn't even need to be attractive, just a good distraction from those five words that had been echoing around his brain since Santana had left him in the motel room.

_I don't love you anymore._

He threw a punch at the door of the closet, flinching as his fist connected with the hard wood. He swore loudly, not caring if any of his dorm mates heard, before pulling his bruised fist to his face for an inspection. The skin covering his knuckles was broken but not bleeding.

There was a loud knock on his door.

He swore again, this time under his breath before pulling it open. "Thad?"

He blinked as he took in the figure at his door. Thad had clearly been sleeping; his dark hair was sticking up in every direction, his even darker eyes blurry from sleep. "I heard yelling, is everything alright?"

Sebastian sighed. Why couldn't his neighbours be more like him and completely disinterested by every noise that came from the other rooms in the dorm - unless of course he thought they would provide juicy gossip or blackmail material. "Just fine, go back to sleep, Thad."

Thad frowned. "You sure there's nothing I can do to help?"

Sebastian chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "Actually, yeah, there is." He grabbed the other boy's shirt, tugging him closer and slamming their lips together, pulling him through the door before closing it hurriedly behind him.

Thad pulled away, cheeks flushed and eyes bright as he rested his hands against Sebastian's heaving chest. "Oh!"

Sebastian had forgotten Thad's stupid crush on him and cursed himself mentally for having not just gone out to Scandals to pick up some drunk idiot who wouldn't be looking for anything serious. He shrugged internally, that was a problem for another day. Right now, he pulled Thad closer, bringing their lips together as he tried desperately to forget Santana's words.

**xXxXx**

Santana groaned as she rolled over. She really couldn't face school today. Her head was reeling from the events of the night before. There was no way she wanted to face Puck after what had happened.

"Wake up!"

She groaned, that voice was far too happy for that time of morning. She stuck her hand up from under the cover, flipping the bird in what she hoped was the right direction. The answering chuckle told her she was right.

"Someone's not a morning person."

She groaned even louder as Blaine tugged the cover from around her. "You are so lucky I don't sleep naked, Anderson."

She wished she could see the face that matched the indignant noises.

"It is my bed you're in, Santana. Come on, I told my mom we'd be out the house before eight. I gave you an extra half hour."

Santana frowned, rubbing her eyes as she finally sat up. "You did thank her for letting me stay the night?"

Blaine nodded. "Of course. She apologized she had to rush out for work. She'd been meaning to make sure you were okay after the state you were in last night."

Santana smiled. "Your mom's great."

Blaine turned from combing the gel into his hair. "I know. Not many moms who would let a random girl sleep over on a school night."

Santana grinned. "Well, it's not like she has to worry about you getting me pregnant. Unless, of course, you got me in your bed under false pretences?"

Blaine shook his head. "Don't flatter yourself. You might be hot but even you aren't enough to make me change teams."

Santana shrugged with another stretch, inspecting the shirt Blaine had given her to sleep in. She rolled her eyes as she realised it was a piece of  _Phantom of the Opera_  merchandise. "The only experience you've had with girls has been with Rachel  _'Teen Marriage'_  Berry. You're going to base your sexual preference on a hobbit and Lady Lips Hummel? Really, blazer boy?"

Blaine rolled his eyes good humouredly. "Actually, I am. Now hurry up and get dressed. You can borrow one of my shirts."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I'd better not catch you checking out my ass while I'm changing, triangles."

She grinned as Blaine touched his eyebrows self-consciously. "Someone's in a better mood!"

She nodded. "You're a great snuggler, remind me to congratulate Kurt."

"Don't even think about it."

"Worried he'll be jealous?" Santana grinned, discarding the shirt she'd slept in as she inspected Blaine's extensive collection before pulling the least offensive item she could find from the draw. "Can I take this? Should be long enough for me to wear as a dress, even if you are weirdly short."

Blaine nodded absent-mindedly. "Go ahead."

"You alright, Bow-ties?"

"Kurt hasn't text me good morning. He never usually forgets. I mean, he didn't text me last night either but I figure he was tired after all the excitement."

Santana frowned. "I'm sure he just overslept or something, don't worry about it."

Blaine sighed. "I'm sure you're right. It's just, he's always on his phone these days and he's only text me twice in the past few days."

She froze as she pulled her shoes on. Did Blaine really think Kurt was cheating on him? Detective work was definitely required.

**xXxXx**

Santana was sat in the choir room, tugging at the hem of Blaine's shirt absent-mindedly. She clapped along with everyone else as Mr Schue wrote Whitney on the white board. She'd adored her music, not that she'd ever admitted that to anyone other than…

She shook her head. She wasn't going to waste any more time pining over Sebastian.

"Is that Blaine's shirt?"

She jumped, turning to look at Kurt who was eyeing her suspiciously. "Yeah, it is actually."

Kurt made an indignant noise. It was clear he hadn't wanted to ask the obvious question. "Why are you wearing it?"

"Because we slept together last night, Marc Jacobs. We've been having an affair for some time now, it's sort of my new thing, turning gay guys. It makes me feel powerful." She rolled her eyes as Kurt shook his head.

From her other side, Blaine snickered, shrugging apologetically as Kurt turned to glare at him. "Alright, point taken."

"Actually, it seems you're not all that great at turning guys, if Thad's Facebook update is anything to go by."

Santana did her best not to rise to the bait Puck was dangling in front of her. She knew who he was referring to and knew that he just wanted a reaction from her. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel demanded suddenly.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Ignore him, Streisand. You're just giving him what he wants."

"Thad and I have been friends for some time now, as you guys know, he's always been a great source of information. He posted some cryptic shit about patience always working out and how great love is. So, of course, I asked him about it. Turns out Santana's favourite blazer wearing slushie thrower has returned to batting for the other team. He's dating Thad now. Didn't take him long, did it?"

Santana rushed from the choir room, begging her stomach to wait for her to get to the bathroom before it rejected her breakfast from that morning.


	19. I Don't Wanna Know

Santana couldn't help herself; whipping her phone from her pocket as she bent over the toilet, flushing it to get rid of the smell of the vomit she'd just dumped in the bowl. Morning sickness sucked. Morning sickness trigged by finding out your baby's father had moved on in a day sucked more.

She logged onto Facebook quickly, scrolling through her newsfeed until she saw the post Puck had been talking about. That little bitch claimed to love her and yet it had taken him less than 24 hours to move on. There was no way she was going to let that one slide.

She closed the tab, pulling up her messenger before tapping out a quick message, glaring at the screen the entire time.

_You're dating Thad now?_

She was proud of herself for leaving out the expletives that were rushing around her head. She hit send, panting as another wave of nausea washed over her at the thought of Sebastian and Thad together. She wished she was a better person and that she could just be happy for him. Actually, she didn't. He'd said he still loved her and had near enough asked for them to get back together only the night before. Now he was, not just hooking up with Thad, but actually  _dating_  him. What had happened to the Sebastian who had relationships that lasted no longer than twenty minutes?

Her phone bleeped.

_**He's a good guy, Santana. You couldn't expect me to keep waiting for you after what you said.** _

Santana frowned. Surely he'd realised she hadn't meant it. She'd only said what she'd said to hurt him, the way he'd hurt her not because she'd really meant it. Of course she still loved him. How could she not after everything they'd been through to be together.

_You should've told me yourself. I shouldn't have heard about it from Puck. I hope he makes you happy, Sebastian. I really do._

She sent the message, standing from the toilet. After all, she couldn't spend the whole day in there. People might start talking. Maybe they'd just spread the rumour she was bulimic again.

There was a sharp tap on the cubicle door.

"Occupied!"

There was a gentle laugh from the other side of the door. "Oh, I know."

Santana's eyebrows pulled together in confusion. " _Quinn_?"

She pulled the door open, staring warily at Quinn who was standing by the sinks with a knowing smile on her face. "Morning sickness is the worst, huh?"

Santana froze. "How did you know?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Takes one to know one, Santana. It's Sebastian's, right?"

Santana rolled her eyes, her reputation really did suck. "Of course it is. The only other person I've slept with in the past few months is Brittany, I'm sure I don't have to explain to Little Miss Yale why it can't be Britt's."

Quinn shrugged, apparently not bothered by Santana's defensive snark. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm keeping it. I only have a few months left in McKinley so no one needs to know and I can put off college for a year, I've always wanted to take a gap year."

The two stared at each other for a moment. "You're terrified, aren't you?"

Santana nodded, embarrassed by her weakness. "How did you cope?"

Quinn laughed. "I didn't. I was a complete mess, my dad kicked me out the house, and I'd cheated on my boyfriend. I lost my place on the Cheerios, I lost my body. I thought my life was over."

Santana thought about it for a moment, remembering how run down Quinn had looked during the final few months of her pregnancy. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend."

Her apology was answered with a disinterested shrug. "You were now worse than most." She laughed suddenly. "Two out of three members of the  _unholy trinity_  as teen moms. We sure lived up to that nickname, huh?"

Santana smiled sadly. "I guess we did."

"Here, you'll want to start keeping some in your pocket." Quinn held out a packet of gum which Santana accepted gratefully. "You'll get used to it soon enough. It'll all be worth it when you see their face, especially since you get to keep yours."

Santana chewed thoughtfully on the gum before wrapping an arm around Quinn's shoulders, pulling her into a hug. "Do you ever regret giving Beth up?"

"Every single day. I know that I did the right thing giving her to Shelby. I just wish I could've been a mom. I think I'd have been a great mom, you know?"

Santana nodded. "You'd have been amazing. And you still will."

"Come on, I have some spare jeans in my locker. You must be freezing after kneeling on the tiles for so long."

**xXxXx**

Santana sat on Blaine's bed, legs curled around her as she helped him with his Math work. "I hope you know I'm terrible at working out percentages."

Blaine shrugged. "That's the only thing I can do."

She smiled, grabbing a handful of the popcorn Blaine's mom had left them. "Are you sure your mom doesn't mind me being here?"

He grinned. "She always wanted a daughter, I think she's secretly loving it. Although I do think she's worried that I want to do the honourable thing and be a de facto father to your baby."

Santana blinked. "You don't, right?"

Blaine pulled a disgusted expression. "Of course not. You're not asking, right?"

Santana was sure her face mirrored his. "Of course not! Though I would love to see Kurt's face if you told him that."

Blaine grinned. "Stop bullying him. Hey, Santana?"

"Hmm." She heard the subtle change in his tone, immediately putting her on edge.

"Why aren't you going home? I mean, it's great having you around, I'm just curious. Aren't your parents worried?"

Santana sighed. "I'm not welcome at home at the moment. My dad didn't take the news quite so well as my mom. He told me that I wasn't to come home until I'd changed my mind about keeping the baby."

Blaine frowned. "I'm really sorry, Santana."

"Don't be. My abeula is thrilled. Apparently being a teen mom isn't such a sin as being in love with Brittany. So silver linings and all that." She swallowed thickly. "I am really grateful to your mom for being so nice about letting me stay here."

Blaine nodded. "Give me a minute, would you?"

Santana shrugged, turning her attention back to Blaine's math textbook. "Sure, I'll be here."

She heard her phone bleep and rolled her eyes. Rachel had been texting her incessantly all evening. It was beginning to get annoying. Only this time, it wasn't Rachel.

_**Can we talk? It's important.** _

She started at the text until it became blurry. She didn't want to see Sebastian. Didn't want to talk to him and yet there was a part of her that was yearning for him. Especially since she'd realised she'd left his jacket behind when she'd fled the motel.

_I'm round Blaine's. I can't right now._

The reply was almost immediate.

_**I can come round. Blaine's parents never met me so they probably won't try and slushie me in retaliation for Blaine's eye.** _

_**Wait, why are you at Blaine's?** _

Santana sighed. She supposed he deserved to know the truth. It was technically his fault that she'd been kicked out in the first place.

_My dad kicked me out. Blaine's mom's letting me stay here for a while._

At that moment Blaine and his mom appeared at the door. "Santana?"

She sat up straight, blushing as she realised when she was dressed only in Blaine's shirt. "Mrs Anderson."

"Call me, Pam, sweetie!"

Santana nodded. "Of course."

"Listen, Blaine just told me how the bad the situation with your parents is. It's awful that they would kick you out like that. What's done is done."

Blaine elbowed her gently. "What mom's trying to say is that you're welcome to stay here. However long you need to."

Mrs Anderson nodded happily, squealing and reaching out for a hug. Which Santana accepted gratefully as Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Mom, have you been drinking Dad's whiskey again?"

"I'm so grateful, to both of you. You're amazing!"

Pam waved a dismissive hand. "Don't be silly, we're not going to leave a young lady in need on the streets. You're more than welcome here."

Santana smiled. "Really, thank you."

Blaine gently eased his mom out the door, cringing as he closed the door behind her. "I'm so sorry. She doesn't usually drink on school nights."

"It's fine. Oh, Blaine?"

He lifted his head from his hands. "Yeah?"

"Sebastian wants to come round to talk."

Blaine nodded slowly. "Do you want him to come round?"

"I don't want to see him, but I want to know what he has to say."

**xXxXx**


	20. A Home For My Heart

Blaine had agreed to give them some space and was currently checking his mom was okay after drinking his father's whiskey. As a result, Santana was sat in what felt like an awkward standoff with Sebastian who was perched on Blaine's desk chair in the opposite corner of the room.

"You said it was important," Santana said finally, feeling fidgeting as she noticed how uncomfortable Sebastian looked amongst Blaine's possessions.

"You know, my parents would be more than happy to let you stay with them. They're hardly ever around so you wouldn't be a problem at any rate."

 _You wouldn't be a problem at any rate_. Such a lovely proposal.

Santana sighed. "I'm happy here, Sebastian. The Andersons have been good to me."  _And I don't want to be confronted by reminders of you all day._ She left her thoughts unspoken.

"Santana." Sebastian frowned, shrugging his shoulders. "It's your choice. Just keep my offer in mind."

"Are you ever going to get to the point? What was so important that you had to come all the way from Dalton to talk to me?"

Sebastian stood, beginning to pace as he ran his hand through his hair. " _IsplitupwithThad_."

The words came out as a jumbled mess, causing Santana to be uncertain she'd heard him correctly. "What?"

"I split up with Thad," Sebastian repeated, looking almost confused in his desperation. "Actually, we were never together. We didn't even hook up. I wanted to but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't because he wasn't you."

Santana sighed. "Sebastian,  _don't_. I swear I will punch you in the jaw if you keep doing this to me. We can't keep dangling false promises in front of each other."

He sighed, sitting next to her on the bed. "I'm not. I promise. You made your feelings for me, or lack of, quite clear. I just thought I should tell you. I made a mistake. I was so angry with you and I needed a distraction. Thad just so happened to be there. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me."

"I do. I've been thinking about what you said in the Lima Bean, I  _hated_  you for that,  _really_  hated you, but you were right. What I did was stupid and childish, I didn't think about you when I did it, I was being selfish and I didn't care about lying to you because we'd both lied to each other so many times."

Sebastian opened his mouth to interrupt her.

"Don't. I'm not finished, not by a long shot. We both need to grow up. If only for the fact that we're going to be parents. We're having a baby." Saying those words still felt foreign to her. "We can't keep putting ourselves through this mess of a relationship. You were right, it's not healthy."

Sebastian sighed again, his green eyes desperate as the bore into her own. "Nor is being apart."

She flinched as he took her hand. "No, don't."

"I know you said you don't love me, I understand why you feel that way but surely we owe it to our baby to give this a real go? The pair of us deserve to be happy for once, right?"

She shook her head. "I was happy and I screwed it up. I don't want to do that again. Not with a baby involved. Don't make me choose."

"What choice is there? Be miserable without each other – don't pretend you don't miss me. You'd have kicked me out by now if that was true, or possibly punched me in the face

. We wouldn't keep finding our way back together – or give being in an adult relationship a chance? Santana, please. I know which you want. I know you."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't want. You don't get to make my decisions for me, Sebastian. That's not how this works."

They stared at each other in silence before Sebastian cursed under his breath, using the hand that was holding hers to pull her closer. He met her wide eyes, his gaze darting from one to the other as if searching for something. It seemed he found whatever he was looking for as he grasped her face between his hands, bringing their lips together with a desperation Santana hadn't been expecting.

Santana hadn't realised just how much she'd missed him until her hands were buried in his hair, desperately pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against one another. She felt herself climbing into Sebastian's lap, never breaking their kiss. She could smell his cologne as it invaded her nose, his hair was slick from the gel he'd covered it in. She didn't care, all she cared about was how right this felt. How well they fit together.

Sebastian lay back against the bed, pulling her down with him, still managing not to break their kiss. He pulled away only to breath harshly against her neck, pressing kisses to her jugular. "I've missed you so much," he whispered against her skin.

The door opened suddenly. "Oh no you don't!"

The two pulled apart sheepishly.

"I'm glad you're back together and revelling in your love or whatever but please don't do it on my bed. Mom's set up the spare room for Santana. For goodness sake, can't you two keep your hands to yourselves for five minutes?"

He winked at Santana as Sebastian hurriedly clambered from the bed. Santana grinned.

"I swear if you keep me up with your make up sex I won't be responsible for my actions."

Santana rolled her eyes. "You love it really, Bow Ties."

Blaine flipped the bird before directing Santana towards the spare room, Sebastian trailed after her, avoiding eye contact with Blaine. They were going to have to get over their awkwardness whilst Santana was living in Blaine's house. It was going to be so tedious otherwise.

**xXXxXx**

Santana awoke to the sound of her phone buzzing. She rolled, groaning as she tried not to wake Sebastian whilst reaching for her phone.

_Revenge achieved. Operation Seahorse is complete._

Santana squinted at the bright screen, confused.

Before she could compose a fitting response another message came through, this one with an attached file.

Santana clicked open with some trepidation, trying to convince herself that Rachel would never send anything too gross to her. The file opened slowly, the picture loading leisurely from bottom to top, pixilation easing as it did so. When it had finally loaded, Santana dropped her phone in shock, before picking it up again to inspect the image.

Whatever she had been expecting, it had not been that. The image she was confronted with was a very bald Puck. A very bald Puck who also had no eyebrows to speak of.

Santana bit back the hysterical laugh that played on her lips; it was barely six am after all.

_**How'd you manage that?** _

She demanded before turning her attention to waking a quietly snoring Sebastian. She shook him gently, earning herself a gentle smack on the nose.

"Okay, now it's war," she grinned, grabbing the glass of water she'd had on the bedside table and dumping it over Sebastian's comfortably sleeping frame.

His eyes shot open as he sat up spluttering, shaking his hair and rubbing at his nose. It was quite the picture.

"Morning, babe."

His eyes narrowed as he caught sight of the now empty glass in her hand.

"Sleep well?"

Her phone bleeped again, pulling her attention from the still bleary eyed Sebastian.

_I might have gotten Finn to give him hair removal cream under the pretence it was conditioner. I was just going for bald, he's always hated having no hair, but apparently he washes his eyebrows too._

Santana grinned before yelping as Sebastian threw himself on top of her, balancing his weight on his hands as he pinned them at either side of her head.

"Get off me, Twink. Did you know you look even more like a meerkat from this angle? I hope our baby inherits my looks."

He rolled his eyes, leaning forward expectantly and frowning when she rolled away. "What?"

"You have the worst morning breath, Seb."

"Yours doesn't smell of roses, Sweetheart." He hollowed his cheeks and blew in her face, grinning as she squirmed away with a disgusted expression.

"If you want to know why I woke you up you will roll away, like now."

Sebastian did so, quirking an eyebrow at her. "This had better be good, it's not even seven am."

She chucked her phone at him with an added eye roll. "First message. I'm going for a shower."

"Wait, I'll join you."

Santana wrinkled her nose. "No deal, Smythe. I don't think Mrs Anderson would appreciate anything like that. Keep it in your pants, just this once, garbage breath."

"She has a gay son and a pregnant teenager under her roof. I think us being in the shower, completely innocently of course, would be the least of her worries."

Santana grabbed one of the towels Mrs Anderson had left out for her and her freshly cleaned Cheerios uniform. She was going to have to risk a trip home to pick up some of her stuff, she was beginning to miss wearing jeans. Not that they were going to fit her much longer.

"By the way, Mrs Anderson booked an ultrasound appointment for me, you can join me if you'd like?"

**xXxXxXx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue left to go. I'm going to miss this story so much! Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported this story. You are all amazing. By the way, the next Sebtana fic I'm going to be writing is going to be based on You've Got Mail (Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan). So hopefully, you'll all tune into that one too. I'm also going to be uploading a Christmas themed ficlet based on this story on Christmas Eve!


	21. Epilogue: Annie Are You Okay?

Santana screamed as she clung increasingly tightly to Sebastian's freshly bruised hand.

"Big push now, Santana."

"What do you think I've been doing for the past few hours?" Had she been in a position to do so, the midwife would have earned herself several kicks in the head.

"Come on, Santana."

She stopped pushing long enough to turn and glare at Sebastian. "You did this to me. I hate you so much! I hate you!"

Sebastian looked at the midwife in horror.

"Don't worry, almost every new mother I've worked with has said the same thing to the daddy. She'll forgive you as soon as she sees your baby's face, trust me."

Santana decided to ignore her as she focused on getting rid of the pain she was in. Nothing in the world was worth this. She hadn't even wanted to be a mother in the first place.

"Why couldn't you stay gay?" She screamed as Sebastian who blushed.

"It's a long story?" He tried as the midwife looked at him in confusion. "Santana, babe, can you please stop blaming me for everything. I know it hurts but you're doing so well."

"What do you mean you know it hurts? You don't have a vagina! You've never been in labour. Just shut _up_ , Sebastian."

"Big push now!"

Santana did as she was told, screaming at the agonising pain coursing through her body. " _Mierda_!"

She ignored the yelp from Sebastian as her nails dug into his skin.

"One more!"

There was complete silence in the room as the baby finally came into the world. It had been almost eighteen hours and Santana was exhausted.

"You did it, Santana!" Sebastian whooped, kissing Santana's sweat soaked forehead as their baby announced its arrival with an ear splitting scream.

"Congratulations, it's a beautiful baby girl!"

Santana let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. "A girl?"

The midwife nodded. "She's beautiful. Would you like to do the honours, Dad?"

Santana nudged Sebastian when he didn't immediately respond. "Go on, cut the cord."

She tried to relax, ignoring the fact that there was a small crowd around her most intimate area. She was absolutely exhausted and just wanted to see her baby. Well and sleep for about fifty years but she wanted to see her daughter first.

"She's beautiful, Santana. Covered in some disgusting goo I'm pretending I can't see but absolutely gorgeous."

Santana nodded sleepily, resting her head back against the pillow. "So she doesn't take after you, meerkat features?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the nurse handing him a tiny pink bundle.

"6 pounds nine ounces, very healthy."

Sebastian grinned, gently swaying as he held the pink bundle of blankets Santana assumed their daughter was hidden in. "Hello you, want to give your mommy a cuddle? I think you do!"

Santana fought back a laugh at Sebastian's baby voice as she took the bundle of blankets. "Oh! There you are," she breathed as she took in the little face sticking out from all the pink. Actually, were it not for the features, Santana could've almost mistaken her daughter for part of the blanket pile; her skin was flushed pink from the trauma of the labour and all the screaming she'd done. Now two little brown eyes stared up at Santana for a few seconds before closing. "She's perfect, Seb. Thank you."

Sebastian smiled against her hair. "You were telling me you hated me only a minute ago. And I'm pretty sure you were swearing in Spanish."

Santana shook her head, eyes glued to the snuggly sleeping baby in her arms. "I didn't know I could love anything this much."

"I did."

Santana turned to look at him with a fond smile, craning her neck for a quick kiss.

"Do you have a name for her? If you don't that's fine, she'll just be little baby girl Lopez."

Santana smiled at Sebastian before turning her attention to the portly midwife. "Her name's Annie."

"Annie Lopez it is then-"

"Lopez – Smythe."

"Okay. I'll give you a few minutes alone. Congratulations."

**xXxXx**

Santana was lying in the bed, watching Annie sleeping in the bassinet the nurses had brought to the room after Santana had refused to be parted from her daughter. Her mom had already been in to see them, her father was on duty somewhere in the hospital and was refusing to see her or the baby. Not that she cared.

Annie was the best thing to have ever happened to her and she didn't need her father's approval to legitimise her love for her baby.

"Hello?"

Santana turned to look at the door, smiling when she saw Blaine looking over a bouquet of roses. "Bow-ties!"

He shook his head, smiling as he gave her a careful hug. "Mom's sorry she couldn't come, work commitments or something. Where's Sebastian?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Went to get himself a McDonalds. He kept complaining that he was hungry. As if he did all the hard work."

Blaine grinned. "Can I have a cuddle with the baby?" He asked as he put the flowers on the bedside table.

"Of course you can."

She watched closely as Blaine gently cradled Annie in his arms. Apparently he was a natural with children. That would come in handy when she needed a baby-sitter.

"Oh, Rachel asked me to let you know that she'll be down to visit this weekend with Kurt. They thought they might as well wait for you to be out of hospital before they made the trip from New York."

"Is Kurt still not talking to you?"

Blaine shook his head. "Nah, it's my own fault though. I did cheat on him."

Santana frowned. "Hmmm. I suppose now's as good a time as any."

Blaine raised a thick eyebrow, turning his attention from the baby cradled in his arms. "For what?"

"Sebastian and I have been talking, besides which my abeula has threatened to maim Sebastian if we don't have Annie christened, and we want you to be Annie's godfather."

Blaine blinked. "Really?"

"Of course, dummy."

Santana turned as Sebastian appeared in the doorway, waving a bag of McDonalds at her. "My hero," she grinned, reaching out for the bag. "This better not be my push present!"

**xXxXx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having sooooo much trouble writing this. It's like my brain doesn't want to say goodbye to this baby. I've had so much fun writing it and you've all been absolutely incredible supporters. Thank you!


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